You were all right...unfortunately...

[bombardier50]

LFL,
I don't know about the whole "wait for it to burn out" idea. Because of my own ignorance and denial, I've been putting up with this EA for almost two years. It didn't look to me like it was going to run its course anytime soon. And my big fear was that as soon as this one ran its course, she'd start another one. So, the bottom line, I think, was that something needed to be done. Even my DB coach suggested confronting both my spouse and the OM.

Originally, all I told both her and the OM was that I was really uncomfortable with the relationship. That's it. Since then, she has consistently confronted me over my feelings. Like last night. I was just sitting on the couch reading a book, and she decided to instigate and push the issue...hard. This tells me that SHE has some doubts over her behavior and is testing me to see if I'll stand up for myself. If she decides to seek revenge later, then she's got some problems that she needs to take to a therapist.

I guess where I gained some strength for my approach is listening to the women on this board who have had affairs. They will tell you that they needed their man to stand up for themselves.

My DB coach told me that doing nothing and trying to ride it out will do nothing more than show approval for and perpetuate hurtful and intolerable behavior. Her suggestion was to "soft-pedal" my disapproval, which is how I started. But she also warned me that no matter what I did, I was going to induce a lot of chaos in the system, and you can't really predict how things will fall out. Ain't life grand...

But I'm also perfectly aware of the DB caution that two people can argue that they're "right" all the way to divorce court...