Long and bumpy road

[Startingover2]

OMG...I need to keep the NC.

He text'd earlier to say he was dropping off xmas gifts for me and kids. He got here and was slightly tipsy. Not bad, but I can tell he had been drinking. This was the first time I have actually seen him in almost 3 weeks.

We did the exchange and he went into the babys room. He looked rather sad. He started rubbing my stomach and saying how much he loved his daughter, blah blah blah. I just stood there. He then said he should be here. I said yes I agree.

Then it went into a conversation of me telling him he is emotionally gone, living a separate life and when I had to go to the hospital all alone that night something in me snapped. I need a stable life for me and my kids and he cannot provide that. He got angry and took off.

He then sent a text saying we don't see eye to eye but when baby is born things are going to be perfect but its not possible now. He was talking like he made the rules!

I was irritated and this is what I sent:
'We do see things different. I need a stable home and life for me and my kids. You want different. We are just fine and I have family and friends that have stepped in to see me through the rest of this pregnancy and birth. The one who will suffer is baby, but I am going to do my best to keep that from happening.'

He immediately called me and started literally screaming at me that I cannot keep him away from his daughter, that he is sick and tired of me [censored] talking him to my friends (I haven't, they just know the truth) and that when she is born he plans on being here as much as he can. He was more intoxicated than when I talked to him earlier. He was going off on me. I finally just hung up and he called over and over...then sent "dont you hang up on me. I will support my girl."

Nothing more.

OMG, I am looking at a lifetime of hell. He sure didn't like me telling him I don't want him around for the rest of the pregnancy and birth.

Need support here....I am weakening.

[blindsided1]

Don't weaken, you're doing great. Why would you want to talk to him or see him right now. If he's been drinking nothing good can come of it now. #1 he'll either be really mean or #2 he'll be really sweet, but it won't matter when he sobers up. He is starting to feel the consequences it seems like, let him. I know the holidays are hard. You'r doing tremendously well. I wish I could say the same. Hang in there. You can do this.

[Startingover2]

Thanks blindsided. I did learn that I am much better off with no contact. We think like 2 different people now and are like oil and water. I have never seen him so off the edge like I have today. He didn't like that I told him friends and family are stepping in to do his job. He didn't like that he possibly wont be there for the birth of his child. He didn't like that I called him a 19 year old frat boy!

He made a comment that he would be here as much as he could after she is born and then when she is old enough he will be taking her for visitation. I have got to prove that he is not a stable man. i cannot imagine him taking her.

[Startingover2]

Well, I guess I am the farthest from peicing and should probably move my thread over to a different forum. I like it here though.

Last night was tough, sort of. It was tough in I went into sort of a different frame of mind. More of ok, how am I going to coparent with this loser? He really is losing it. He is so out of control and yesterdays complete breakdown showed it.

I honestly think that he is suffering from more issues than MLC. He is not really committing to much in his life. He doesn't profess love for any one woman, but yet need some sort of ego stroke from one....and it seems any will do. He drinks on the weekend, gets his fix of whatever stroking he needs and goes back to his miserable life during the week. He is a self proclaimed unhappy man. Has been on every single AD there is and could never be happy. I now know its not me, its him.

I have a prepared text waiting to send to him when he does make contact in a day or two.

-Don't you ever lose control or speak to me the way you did on Saturday ever again. You are not the kind of man I need and I am done fighting it. I will contact you after she is born to work out times for you to see her. Until then, no contact or I will get a restraining order in place. I am in a good place in my own life and don't need your drama.

How does that sound? I can't see him. We didn't see eachother for almost 3 weeks and when we did all of his anger came out. Its better this way. He is going down fast and I don't want to be along for the ride.

[Startingover2]

This has been one of the worst days of my life. One good thing is I haven't even bothered thinking about H at all today but I don't want this agony anymore.

My kids were with their dad last night. My oldest daughter (18), who has been miss dependable, responsible, happy sends me a text at 9am telling me she left her car at the train station and was moving to Bakersfield (3 hours away) to be with this boy who she claims to love. She says she is going to live with him and his family and is going to get a job, etc. She says she loves her dad and I and that she will be happy.

I freak out. I call her dad. He flips out. We try calling and calling her and she won't pick up. I am freaking out at this point. She finally answers and her dad talks to her and he ends up talking to this boys mother who condoned the whole flipping thing saying they were in love and 18 blah blah blah. She agreed to meet us so her dad and I drove 3 hours to Bakersfield but she was saying she wasn't coming home on the phone. I am bawling my eyes out trying to figure out how we were going to do this.

We end up meeting with her and this boy and explain this is not the way to do stuff and she agreeably gets in the car and comes home. No fighting, no struggle, nothing. Almost like she was wanting to be rescued. We asked her some questions on the way home which she answered but then talked about random things like nothing was wrong. Like today never happened. It was wierd. We asked her if it was about this boy or wanting her independence...she said she wanted independence and to live on her own. This was not the way to do it. She had no money, no car and was at this boy's and his families mercy. I felt sick worrying about what could have happened to her. She told no one here, no friends or anyone.

It was the most horrific day of my entire life. I thought she was gone forever. Not sure where we go from here with her.

I felt incredibly guilty. I hope that my sucky life and drama with H has not pushed her away. It has been a rollercoaster up and down and I know she is sick of it and him. Maybe this is a wakeup call to me.

I need to go rest. I have been having mild contractions for the past few hours from all the stress. When I found out I was literally hyperventilating.

Thanks for listening.

[JAK58]

((((((so2))))))


Iv'e noticed that it becoming easier for you to have no contact and not give into H. Keep it up, as you can see what drama he is in right now. He is not at a point to work on the R and you don't know if he will ever be.

I like the way he said he would get visitation when she was old enough. Why not as a newborn? To much work huh. This is a good indication of what a dedicated Dad he would be a least right now.

You say you are feeling better about your choice now just concentrate on the children. Do you think maybe D18 is looking for attention and stability with you. Try to be happy around them and see how that goes. No talking to him in front of them and don't let them see you unhappy. And yes I know way easier said than done!

Talk Later

JAK

[Startingover2]

Thank you Jak...this has got to be one of the worst weekends I have had. I feel like I have been hit by a truck. My body is sore and its all emotional.

D18 may be needing something. That is for sure. I agree about not talking about him and being happy when they are around. She and the others need me to be stable.

I haven't heard from H since yesterday morning. He sent one of his friendly texts, but i was so engulfed in my daughter's situation I didn't even bother with it. I didn't care and what a good feeling that was.

Weekdays are definately easier. I know he will be sober and having to face the grim reality of the situation. Weekends is when he can escape and not think...I want him to think and have it hit him what he is doing.

[JAK58]

SO2,

You can want him to think or do all sorts of things but, He will do what he wants and think what he wants. SO you need to take care of you and not worry about H right now.

Are you still having pains?

Cherish your children and make a happy Christmas for them PMA and you will feel better about you too.

JAK

[Startingover2]

No, the pains went away last night after some rest time. I was literally on edge all day and didn't eat until about 5 last night. I know, so not good for this baby.

My kids have to be my priority. Too much drama and I feel like I am losing it.

I did make an appointment with an attorney for a consultation in January. Going to find out my rights and where i go from here. I am going to push sole custody with supervised visitation. It will be a battle, but I can't let him take her. Want to find out about insurance, child support etc.

Taking steps in another direction....without H. He obviously is not walking the same way as us.

[JAK58]

Very good thinking on your part. Good that you want to protect your self and the childrern.

JAK