My weekend was hard mentally, but not as difficult as I thought it would be. Today was hard because kids were 'stir crazy' & couldn't go outside all weekend. A 1 bedroom apt is not the place for D4 & S6 to release physical energy. Had very brief conversations with W on phone, we called each other mainly so she could say 'hi' to kids. Our conversation was minimal. She worked all weekend but will come by to pick up kids early AM.
Spent most of my weekend on computer and PS3. Kids and I tried out some new games on PS3. I did alot of work setting up PC & printing family photos to mail out & loading photos on digital photo frame for FIL & MIL xmas present. This was emotionally difficult for me. Browsing through the photos, I started thinking of alot of things and started finding myself depressed. Before my eyes, a whole year's worth of memories got me thinking how wonderful year it was even though there was alot of struggle. Loading photos from the past 6 years on the digital photo frame was a flashback for me. There were so many memories in there and we looked so happy. I wish in a way that W was here to go through them with me. There were alot of memories that I had forgotten about in those photos (W probably has too). I started thinking, 'how could W feel the way she did, all these good memories, good times we have had, even recently!"
I started thinking about the next couple of weeks and the holidays and how screwed up it has turned out for all of us (W, kids, me). I really hope things don't deteriorate with R/M due to the way this S works out. I've been so busy the past couple weeks moving in/out and IHD that it's hard to GAL. Still trying the PMA but getting harder closer to xmas. W's birthday is 01/06 as well. I see all the xmas commercials and think how I wanted to get her something wonderful for xmas and her birthday this year, something she deserves. W said not to get her a present but I want to get her something, nothing romantic, just something nice. I don't care if I get anything from her, just getting my life back is what I want.
I'll see W briefly in AM and then on Thurs night when she goes out with her friends and I babysit again here alone (hopefully W decides to come back here and 'crash' not someplace else, I'm a little concerned about that night, I'm not trusting her friends very much right now). I'll see her after that 1 more time (prob next SAT) before she & kids go to visit IL's out of state for the week of xmas. The next few weeks are going to be extremely difficult for me. We'll see how W acts tomorrow AM towards me, she acted a little crabby on phone today. I couldn't fix my son's lunch for school because I'm almost out of food here. W got angry but I can't go anywhere to get anything so I'm SOL. I'm praying hard again that this all works out.
P.S. - Oh, Friday night was 2 months without a single drop of alcohol for me. Yeah....
Last edited by jab; 12/17/0704:34 AM.
_________________________ Me: 38 W: 36 R 16 M 12 2 kids: S6, D4 Bomb: 10/22/07 Sep: 12/11/07 My First Thread, My Story
Things aren't always going to be moving in the direction you want - there has to be a weird sense of normal I think - cos other folks have to get on with their lives and routines like school and lunches that need fixing still happen.
I know I found it a little weird to discover that not everyone and everything wanted to move to my beat and keep the DBing stuff on the boil...that has to be your back-story so to speak.
I had to get used to the fact that opportunities to show W what a great guy I'm becoming again have to happen of their own accord, I can't make them happen and also I just had to hunker down and get on with stuff.
IMO how you deal with normal stuff is every bit as testing as how you deal with big stuff, sometimes more so I think. Its over the mundane stuff that you can demonstrate a commitment to make changes stick.
Well done on the sobriety!!!
GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
Congrats on two months of sobriety!!! One day at a time brother.
Regarding the memories, pictures etc. Realize that your W probably doesn't have the same fond memories as you do. Where you might look at a picture and remember the joy, she may see it and remember why she wants out of the M. She may be smiling, happy, whatever in the picture, but HER reality may be quite different. Just be prepared.
Also. Be prepared for her to NOT stay with you on Thursday. Odds are she won't. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best! So just figure she'll be out on her own, out of YOUR influence and control. If you can handle that, and still be joyful in the morning, then you've really accomplished something.
God Bless,
COG
PS Humility!
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
What COG said! Remember, you are being tested, every minute, every day (no pressure, though, right!). But take advantage fo this time to do everything you can do to be a better jab, and to make sure you don't slide back into the behaviors that led to this, both legally, and with you wife.
I think you are doing great! It is going to be a really tough thing to see through, but try to see the opportunity, and not the negative stuff!
I may be doing well, but still having a VERY hard time. W showed up late this morning & in horrible mood. I had everything ready except S6 lunch (nothing I could do). I made an attempt at offering some leftovers I had and W acted like I was an idiot. The digital photo frame I spent hours on this weekend, she practically forgot about it. I said, I guess you don't want the digital frame? W blurted yes. I quickly packed in in box (I was almost in tears) as she hurried out the door. She was here a total of 5 min.
On her way out, W mentioned something happened at work and she almost quit this morning, that's why she was late. I asked W what happened, she replied 'it doesn't matter, I gotta go'. (W was almost in tears. W's reply of 'it doesn't matter' is really getting to me, she's been using it alot lately and I keep telling her IT DOES MATTER!)
I called home phone after she left and left message that I was sorry about S6 lunch & if she wanted to talk about what happened at work to give me a call. W called me after taking kids to school. I asked her if she wanted to tell me what happened. W said she didn't because I'd get mad. I replied, what is going on? W said that there was a rumor going around work that W is trying to f*** someone(anyone) and there were people complaining about conversations that were going on at at workplace to her boss. This is where I almost lost it but held it together.
In summary, a few co-workers were 'joking' around (not serious) that my W needed to get f***ed and they were making it their 'mission' to 'hook her up'. W said it was pretty much a big 'joke' to make her laugh and feel better. Some other co-workers complained about this and some other things. I told W I wasn't mad at her and it sounded like a bunch of juevenile s***. I told her I am a little upset though, I get frustrated because these people that are 'joking' about this haven't even met me and I don't see the 'joke'. I tried to listen and validate how she felt (W was pretty embarrased and angry about the whole thing). W still expresses that nothing has ever happened and that she is not interested in doing any of the sort. I'm trying to trust her (I think I do), but her 'friends' are really not helping our situation at all!
W stated she wasn't going to the 'formal' work party because she had to go alone and didn't want people trying more of the same ('hooking her up'). I really wish that I could figure out a way to go to that with her, I know she was really looking forward to going to that 'formal' but she's scared to go alone (without a 'date'), W stated she was still going out on Thurs, though. I was pretty calm and understanding on the phone with W, but I was 'screaming' inside! I really don't know what to think about that whole conversation and situation she got herself into (it's almost unbelievable)! It sure makes me feel like crap. I want to f*** my wife, not someone else! I'm pretty frustrated at the moment. Now, I'm even more untrusting of her 'friends' at work and their 'intentions'....
Conversation shifted to xmas present shopping. W was looking to do some, I offered myself to watch kids tonite so she could go but she ended up going this morning while kids were at school. I guess that kills the excuse to have her come over and visit tonight. I certainly didn't want to tell her flat out that I missed her this weekend and I wanted to see her. So, I'll try to deal with it on my own. Right now, I won't see her 'til Thur night when I watch kids so she can go out 'bar-hopping' with her 'friends' from work. Thur night will be a huge test, I'm going to be a mess that night after this latest news, I hope I can still act ASIF and hide my pain. Wondering what W is feeling/thinking...
_________________________ Me: 38 W: 36 R 16 M 12 2 kids: S6, D4 Bomb: 10/22/07 Sep: 12/11/07 My First Thread, My Story
Hey, I understand the frustration, but there was a ton of good stuff this morning! All you need to do is shut up and let it happen.
2x4s first....you should not have brought up the photo frame, it wasn't turning into a pumpkin. Especially when things were obviously already stressed. And you pushed her way too hard about what happened at her work.
Good stuff, though- she told you about the work problem. She told you why she doesn't want to go to the party. This does not sound like someone who wants you out of her life. Though if you keep obsessing, you could end up there, jab. And quit borrowing trouble over what she may or may not do when she's out with her 'friends'. The fact that she speaks less than kindly about them means they are not controlling her, though they might want to.
I only brought this up to W because I didn't want W to forget it, getting close to Xmas & if W is going to mail it she needs to do it ASAP. I didn't express any thoughts to W about how much time and effort I put into it or any of my feelings about it.
Originally Posted By: dry_heat
you pushed her way too hard about what happened at her work.
My bad, I thought I may have a little too much. Thanks for the 2x4!
Originally Posted By: dry_heat
Breathe, dude, you really are doing good!
Thanks for the compliment, I really needed one today. I hope you aren't just saying that. Onward with the next 24hrs!
_________________________ Me: 38 W: 36 R 16 M 12 2 kids: S6, D4 Bomb: 10/22/07 Sep: 12/11/07 My First Thread, My Story
Maybe instead of saying anything about photo frame (Saying you guess she doesn't want it was probably a bad choice) you just have it ready to go and hand it to her.
