Well Olive, you and I both know what dating before the D is final would make you. The only thing it would accomplish would be to put you on the same level as him.
If you do decide to date, I like sunsets, puppies, baseball and of course, apple pie.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
The openly dating thing ticks me off. I am where you are though, LO, I need *something* to change, and the only thing left to change in our R's is for the A to be exposed. No one is going to believe his silly plan, by the way.....
So, H initiated more D talk last night. He wanted to talk about details of the D (financial/child) even though it's not going to be final for at least 6 months. In the meantime, he would like to be able to publicly date ow since it's just a formality from this point. Nice... I guess that means I can date, too right?
Then, after the D is final, he is moving in w/ow. In his mind, people won't know that he had an A. Ummm... I think they'll figure it out! People don't typically move from one household to another even within a few months unless there was something going on while the marriage was still intact
Olive...sounds like he wants to date/screw her and blame it on you. You see YOU BOTH are getting a divorce, and since the formality is coming in 6 mos, he's "just dating".
I think if he wants to divorce you and openly date, it's OK for you to expose finally expose the affair: to his family and his church. He's having an affair with a "Christian" woman (where do I barf?)and he's divorcing you. This will make the relationship less savory and more sordid.
Theo - of course I am to blame; he has blamed me the whole time and has himself convinced that the A has nothing to do with his need to D me.
Ok.. about the dating thing. Let me clarify: I actually posed the question to H more like a "so, do you think it's ok to date while the D process is in the works". I actually meant it as a "is it ok for ME to date" just to see what he said. His response was that, in his opinion, it is ok to date during D proceedings but that there is a lot of emotional baggage, hard to bring someone into it at this point, blah.. blah...
We had a long conversation w/pastor yesteday regarding D, etc. They know about the A. H sat across the room from me looking and acting quite defiant and determined that D is the ONLY answer. The convo obviously will have no impact on anything but I thought they should know what is going on.
Originally Posted By: theoden
He's having an affair with a "Christian" woman (where do I barf?)....
Two Christians refusing to give up their sin because they are so "in love". Yes.. that's lovely, isn't it?
HUGS LO, this must be so tough to live with H in the same house. It is funny on his reply on the dating thing. Have he noticed that you are attracting people around you?
If you do expose the A, I would hope H would agree to do it. After all, like you said, he made the mess. If you expose it, when people start blaming him (of course they will), he will again blame it on "what you said", "the way you said it", etc. etc.
Yeah for you setting up childcare schedule. Go have some fun, girl.
Adultery seems to be so accepted today. Look at all the Christian Evangelists and singers that commit adultery.
Even though Sandy Patty, the Christian singer, has a beauiful voice I have a very hard time enjoying her music because she committed adultery. These people are Christians in the spotlight. If they don't lead by example, where does that leave everyone else?
Yes, I know I'm preaching to the choir...
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
he has blamed me the whole time and has himself convinced that the A has nothing to do with his need to D me.
This has to be a part of their "pathology" for these WAS -- especially if they consider themselves to be Christian. My W has been doing the same thing since the bomb -- continually denying that the A has had any bearing on her decision to D, or to continue pursuing D.
Christians must always strive to remember that we are all sinners, and always will be.
As Christians we must come to grips with the fact that our faith is a path and not an endpoint, that we must constantly struggle with sin and temptation throughout our entire lives. Being saved means we look to the Lord first, seeking our strength and guidance from Him. And yes, we do stumble from time to time, just like anyone else, but we are supposed to try not to sin... rather than embrace it and try to rationalize it.
We need to practice humility in this and not arrogance. Pride is the deadliest and most insidious of sins, for it will lead even the most devout of Christians off the path.
So, here's a question for everyone. We are currently going through a divorce and H obviously thinks it's ok to "date". As far as I'm concerned the living together thing right now is only because our attorneys both tell us to stay in the house. I really can't demand that he not do that other than keep the ow out of my house. I mean, really, at this point, he is done with our M. Shouldn't I just let him be done and not worry about who he's with and where he is any longer???
By the way, I swear that he filed for D in order to legitimize the affair. So, if he's getting D then it's a "real" relationship to the outside world, right???
I think you *should* just let him be done and not worry about who he's with, where he is. I mean, that's how it's going to be when everything is official. Definitely, I would not allow the OW in my home, but beyond that, he's chosen to write you out of the picture, so why shoulder the burden of worrying about him?
I know that's way easier said than done. I'm so sorry about this LO. He is truly screwed up. ((HUGS))
I swear that he filed for D in order to legitimize the affair. So, if he's getting D then it's a "real" relationship to the outside world, right???
You are on the money with this. When the OM first appeared my wife didn't speak to any of her friends about it. It was an affair of course. When she decided that we were through, and she had convinced herself that we were separated longer than her affair was going on, she suddenly started telling everyone the good news. She said she would be honest to everyone. "I won't cheapen this. You hide an affair, you hide a fling, you celebrate true love."
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Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
