You said I am financing the affair. You're right! How dumb can I be? I have no way of knowing if the affair continues, and at this point I guess it's not my business. But regardless, I am financing her, and her behavior, for the time being, I see that.
You are not dumb. You are conflicted, hurt, and confused. No shame in that. It would be a shame if you were not. Also, it most certainly is your business as to whether the affair continues. You are married. She is modeling behavior for the children that you disapprove of.
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Don't forget my kids still live in that house, so I cannot simply stop payment on the mortgage. It's not so simple. I am encouraging her to sell the house. I am encouraging her to find an alternative place to live. She's very stressed about it. Good, I say. At the same time I am finding my own place.
I cannot speak for everyone but I don't think anyone is suggesting that you not pay for the mortgage. I was suggesting simply that you want to be married and you want to live in your house so let her be the one that needs upheaval if she wants to pursue this R with the OM. You do not have to be nasty. In fact I think you should be "lovingly detached". It is your house as well so I think if you want to live here that you should. It is more difficult because you have already moved out but the attitude should be (IMHO):
"Honey, I need to move back into our house by Friday. I want to be close to you and the kids and it is becoming too difficult financially to maintain separate households. I will understand if you feel the need to move out, but I would like you to stay so we can work on our marriage."
If you are able to move back, then she will begin to see the real costs of her R with OM. It will be very trying financially if she moves out. She will most likely need to get a job. It will cause her to not see the kids as much. It would put the R in a totally different light (although it may take her time to see it).
All this being said, I would wait until after the holidays for the children's sake.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
