Still hopeful for some pleasant surprises

[SirPrizeMe]

Trixi, Balto, Kerry; you all have a clarity of perception here, that comes from being removed from the situation. Thank yo for everything.

You said I am financing the affair. You're right! How dumb can I be? I have no way of knowing if the affair continues, and at this point I guess it's not my business. But regardless, I am financing her, and her behavior, for the time being, I see that. Don't forget my kids still live in that house, so I cannot simply stop payment on the mortgage. It's not so simple. I am encouraging her to sell the house. I am encouraging her to find an alternative place to live. She's very stressed about it. Good, I say. At the same time I am finding my own place.

I heard from a friend, who still speaks with the OM, that OM had a big day the other day - two DUI arrests in a single day. This is her "soulmate." Lovely.

I spoke with W last night. It did not go well. Our house in our hometown is still on the market - 16 months+. Someone approached us with an interest in renting the place. I just walked through the house (visit to hometown) and I still love the place. It's the same cost as a place I would rent in my new town, but it's sooooo much better. And close to my siblings and support system. And lower cost of living. When we moved, 16 months ago, the plan was we were going to pull together as a family. Now that my family is disintegrating, I'd like to move back. Family is still important to me, including extended family.

W thinks I am "irrational," "not thinking this through," "angry," etc. In other words, the exact opposite of validating of my ideas, feelings and so on. Angry? I wasn't raising my voice at all. It just makes no sense. I didn't argue with her about any this, not defensive at all, but I told her my thinking. Told her my mind is not made up, but I would like to consider longer. She rejected that too.

She also appears to think I don't want my kids, or that she will retain full custody and I will accept "visitation" Oh! NO WAY. (I spent the weekend visiting my friend and his family, in his house. Dinner at the table, playing games right next to the Christmas tree, dancing in the kitchen. I'll tell you that was the best time I had in a long long time! They are beautiful kids, and it makes me miss mine sooo much. )
W thinks that she won't have to work, and I will finance her forever, because she is the "primary caregiver."

I can only shake my head.

Meantime the financial mess is getting deeper and deeper.

In some ways I feel like this is a disaster. In other ways I feel like all of this is a trial we need to go through, in order to clarify the situation for everyone. She needs to be aware that I will fight for my kids, that I will not roll over and ascent to her every wish, like her wish for me to disappear or relinquish my rights to my children. She needs to learn that she will need an income, that I will not finance her any longer in case of a divorce. So in some ways the ongoing progress of this disaster is a welcome development.

I hope to speak to my attorney today.
I will call my pastor, too.