Snap out of it, man! You sound like you are ready throw in the towel.
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I have to make new friends as my very closest and best friends have let me down and he is waiting for my wife to leave me so he can have her. He is in love with her and I have to remain smart and just walk away the better man. I have wanted to loose it so many times and deal with him man to man but I know that will also just push my W into his arms. Hug, yea I need lots of them now and have been getting my share from my girls but The one girl I really want to hug does not hug me very often anymore. I miss her love and touch as much as anything I have ever missed.
Pardon my velvet 2x4, as we say in these parts, but this does not sound like a man who is hunkering down and ready to dig in to save his marriage.
Trust me, I know how very, very, VERY hard this is. But you haven't even tried for very long! When did things start falling apart? When did W drop the bomb?
Michele has a rule of thumb in her book -- it takes roughly 1 month for every year of the R before the WA starts to come around. And that's WITH strong DR efforts. Without, it can take much, much longer, if at all. I can attest tothis rule of thumb, as it held true in my sitch. So dropped the bomb the end of Sept; I moved out a month later; by the end of January he was telling me that he still loved me. Now it took another 7 or 8 months before we finally reconciled, but the light bulb was starting to glow. At the time of the bomb, we'd been together just short of 5 years.
Remember -- what you focus on, EXPANDS . If you focus on your pain and your depression and everything you can't have right now, it will seem worse than it really is. If, on the other hand, you focus on all of the good things you DO have and good things you ARE DOING, and set your sights on the goal of a health M/R with your W, then you will stay focused and you have a very good shot of getting to where you want to be.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but right now everything is up to you -- it's all in your hands, whether you realize it or not. You are at a place everyone eventually finds themselves -- ready to give up and move on. That's your choice. I just want you to understand that all is not as bleak as it looks.
