Still trying - Not very well

[limbo]

Thaks again Saffie and LN!

So far H seems to have pulled himself out of the down feelings, I think it was related to his meds being dropped down...he continues with the IC actually has an appt today...so hopefully it will help deal with my Aunt coming.

[Heimlich]

hey, Limbo, just wanted to say howdy. So, "howdy."

And, WTF are 'pork scratchings'?

I'm from the south, so I'm a big fan of cracklin's, this some sort of english equivalent?

BD

[limbo]

Hey Heim!!!!

Thanks for checking in!!!

Crackling and scratchings are similar, I think, scratchings you can break your teeth on!! Most people think that they are really gross! But I love them, and only get them when I go over there or if family comes over!
When my Dad past away, my cousin brought me all kinds of comfort food from home! cheese, chips, cheese, she had a backpack full!!! I don't know how she got it through customs!!

[saffie]

Limbo,

Glad to here your H is doing better.

Scratchings you can definitely break your teeth on - be careful!!!

Saffie

[Heimlich]

OK, I just checked it out on wikipedia. Except for the bit about that sometimes there's hair still attached, they sound mighty tasty. Thinking that'd go pretty good with a pint of Strongbow or a black and tan.

Damn, now I'm hungry.

Take care of yourself, Limbo. (Including not breaking your teeth on a tasty morsel of scratchin's)

BD

[limbo]

Things went well with my Aunt arriving, she was great with my H..which I knew she would be.
He was really quiet before she arrived, my Mum even asked what was wrong with him, so I told her, she never even thought about it.
I think it will take time for him to feel comfortable with her, but she is fine with him.

[limbo]

No matter how hard we try, I just can't get around this, we just aren't right, there is just something not right.
I can't put my finger on it, but it just not there, we try, we say everything is great, but its not. And I am just not sure what to do.

[saffie]

(((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))

I am really sorry you are feeling like that. I know that feeling - I felt like that before H told me about his A, (not saying that is what your H is doing), which is why I started having cognitive behavioural therapy.

What are you feeling? Do you think you are looking at things too much? Has your Aunt left? I expect your H felt uncomfortable with her however nice she was, because of all that's happened.

[LoginName]

Hi Limbo,
Can you give some specifics of what doesn't feel right? If you can't say what's not right, how about what it looks like or how it feels?

I ask because in my experience we often have a feeling that is powerful but kind of vague. When we really look at it though, it's often something more concrete that is at the heart of the matter. For a simple example, I'll feel bad during the day, maybe down on myself, and a little paranoid. After really thinking about when the feeling started or why, I'll realize it's after a co-worker said an unkind remark to me. Seems like a little thing, but it was affecting my whole day. There are no "little" things. But after realizing what was really at the heart of my bad feelings, I could address it. Maybe, just maybe, that's what's happening to you. Your under lots of pressure, in a very tiring situation. It makes sense that things don't "feel" right.

But your M/R doesn't have to be the cause or the solution to your feeling right. Make yourself feel right. Better yet, allow yourself to feel right. Concentrate on you and how to make you better, happier, and to get what you need in life. Control what you can, let go of what you can't. That basically means be responsible for yourself and don't expect anyone, even your H, to make you feel better. Even in a perfect marriage, maybe especially in a perfect marriage, you can't expect the relationship or the spouse to give you happiness or satisfaction.

Let go of the guilt, or the negative feelings, of the anger, and focus on just you and your life. It's possible you and he are not right. Don't worry about it. Get yourself right.

I really don't know if this is true, and I haven't actually read Men are from Mars and women from Venus, but.... :-P I think women may have a harder time being selfish and really taking care of themselves. But I think you've got to do it. He has to take care of himself, no matter what happens, and so do you.

thinking of you, and wishing you the best.

[limbo]

Thank you Saffie/Login

To be honest there is nothing I can really say that brings this on, I think that what it boils down to is trust and belief.
So many times I trusted him the past that he was true in his words, and he was working on the marriage, that now I just feel that its bound to happen again.
I can't let myself truly believe that he is here and he is being straight with me.
There just seems to be something inside of me now that will not allow me to really feel settled with him, and let my guard down truly.
Any slight change in things, in the way he acts, sets me to believe that he is on his way out again, its funny I am not so much worried that he is with someone else, but that he just doesn't want me.
I really do believe that what happened in October really did a number on me, seeing him say things like he did to another women has impacted me more then know he has had an affair, and just lately it seems to be on my mind more, I know at night in bed I really struggle with these thoughts! And so this is what is affecting me.