Love, PAIN and the whole crazy thing!

[mcol]

Update:

Here are the issues that have presented themself since I have re-engaged my W.

Good morning all.

I have migrated my posts from infidelity/extra-marital affairs to this forum. Long story short, I perceived that my W was having an affair with some guy she met online. Her whole family was thinking the same thing and sadly we were all wrong. The sad thing is that I acted on a perception after she told me she wanted to separate and backdate the separation to the date of my deployment 22 Feb 07. I freaked out thinking that she was going to serve me with divorce papers the day I came back from Afghanistan.

In a knee jerk reaction, I took money out of our joint account (my money) and put it in a separate account that I had established. I cancelled power of attorney for her and extended a power of attorney for my kids to her mom. Needless to say she was infuriated by all...naturally. When I finally talked to her last night, I explained my position and the issues that led up to me doing what I did to give a comparison, I believe it took away some of the sting but it did not remove the stinger.

We also discussed many other issues in our relationship and I ask you with much more experience than me what I can do about the following things. Keep in mind that I am in Afghanistan and I am limited to online interactions (lately), phone calls and rarely written correspondence. So please fire away, because I desparately want to save my R.

1) Emotional tie-in and availability
2) Areas of common interest
3) Her desire to seek legal separation (may wane)
4) Her guilt about not being able to convince me to leave the military
5) Time missed with her dead father as a result of being my wife
6) Me not being there to hold her in her darkest hours
7) Communication issues-she did not tell me for 6 months that she was having doubts about our relationship. First sign I got was a letter from her saying I needed to consider life without her in the picture.
8) She thinks that I have only been focused on me the whole marriage
9) Her belief (some truth) that I did not put my family over the Army
10) MAJOR TRUST ISSUES...after I changed bank accounts and took money out of the joint account she says she does not know who that person was.

Clearly we have a lot to work through and I am ready to roll my sleeves up but I do not want to get rolled over trying to resolve these issues. Please help.