not a peep

[Trixi]

As soon as the business part of this whole ordeal is over, I am SO not going to speak to my H. It is WAY too hard. I miss him WAY too much. I can stuff my feelings when I am not in contact, but as soon as I talk to him, it just opens up the wounds.

He just called to talk about what we should get DD for Christmas and to firm up the plans of our get together. He starts out asking how I am. How the F does he think I am?! I of course said I was fine. We talked more about the furniture I would be taking. He asked if I would be removing my salt and pepper shaker collection right away or if I'd be coming back for it. (?) So I said "are you trying to find out if I am going to be completely moved out right away?" and he said "Yeah, I guess so." and I said "Yes, I will be pretty much completely out." and he says ""Pretty much completely out", huh? ok. Cool." (not cool in an excited way; just cool in a casual way.)
He asks for some ideas on what I want for Christmas and gives me a couple of ideas for him. Tells me how he is on his way over to his parents for dinner. I didn't say too much; just let him babble.

Like talking about how to separate our lives is such a "normal" thing to do. Like talking about destroying 13 years together is just another day at the office.

So, now, here I am again crying and wondering WHY is this happening??? Why can't I stop it??

I need to get into my new house. I need to start my new life.

In happier news, I was talking to a friend today about being a full commission person and how scared I am, but that full charge bookkeepers make $1000/mo LESS than I did 15 years ago and she said "Oh! If you want to work where I work, I would hire you in a heartbeat." The upsides-a guaranteed salary plus ability to make a little in commission. The downside is that it's a travel job. I would have to get rid of my pets. And I would sometimes be getting home at 1am on Friday nights and then flying out again 6am monday morning, which would pretty much kill the weekend. (She used to have this job before her promotion; she was wiped out a LOT.)

As of this very second, I wouldn't do it. I really want to get settled into my new place. Then I'll see how I feel about it. I was just glad to hear that there could be other options out there where I would be able to make enough money to support myself.