Wow jar, she is really peeking around the corner, isn't she??? I totally know what you mean about typing out your evening, thinking it went well, knowing it went well, but it types out like a really bad night.
Bottom line: More time with D's! Yay!!!
Keep us posted. Seems like your alien might be turning in her pod.....
I think what is happening to her is that she realized life 'on her own' isn't grand. In fact it sucks and she misses you on top of this. Her pride has kept her in defense mode this whole time, but I think that is melting away. She is letting you back in....inch by inch...
You are awesome, the epitomy of lovingly detached.
PS: D5's birthday party is tomorrow night. Its going to be 'fab', send your D's on over!!
Jar is getting some power back! Now if you two decide to get back together you will be able to re-negotiate some of the unwritten rules that governed your relationship before.
Well... looks like my sentence will be a little longer. This has caused some financial issues (which she can't understand btw) and we've had to deal with some adversity there. It should all be squared away, but she's ticked she has no money to get her hair/nails/eyebrows done for her party tomorrow night. I take 90% of the blame, but she can't understand how adding a hefty CS bill on top of everything else is taxing me.
So I'm sure I'll have to deal with some backlash on this for a little bit, but I can rest easy knowing I've made it up and have got her on autopilot now so there won't be an issue going forward.
W stopped by the house last night to get some stuff for the Xmas party tonight. I thought she was just going to pick the stuff up from the garage and leave, but she came in. Decent visit.. as she left, she had that "I wish I could stay here" look.
She's getting all dressed up, hair, nails, etc. I asked if she would take a picture (without OM of course) and she said "Why.. do you want it?" I said yes. She liked that.
This morning it snowed, but they had an Xmas party at D's school. I took the D's in. W was there (working) and it was pretty cool. We laughed and joked and had a good time. Teasing each other etc. Then OM and his kids showed up.. I played "as if" matter of fact, I continued to tease and mess with W. She loved it, I don't think he did.
As we were leaving, she was kissing towards the girls.. I did one back, and she said "That was mean.. but OK".. then she looked around and said "Did I say that out loud?" and gave a goofy oops look. Then she smiled and waved.
It's a dangerous line, but it's kind of fun. I'm still maintaining my "independence" but trying to make headway with her. Evidently the anger over money was short lived.
I hope he's an ass to her at the party tonight.. that would be GRRRREAT!!
Oh OM did NOT like you messing with W!! I love it.
Quote:
It's a dangerous line, but it's kind of fun
I am right there mister. Question, if W approached you to ML, would you do it? If I am out of line, ignore me. Just curious though.
Your W is still peeking around that corner, jar. You are doing so well!
I was wondering, what have you changed about yourself that you like, through this huge mess. I have realized I have changed some things about myself and it makes me proud.
No he didn't.. I actually caught a glance from W to OM... she looked as though she was saying "Sorry". I could care less... I was making everyone laugh and having a good time.
Not out of line... I've actually been struggling with that. What do I do if she asks for a kiss.. what do I do if things turn intimate?
Part of me says tow the line I laid out before.. part of me says let her experience (bad choice of words) what she is missing.
At this point, I'd probably go through with it and see what the fallout is. I know this though.. she would have to initiate. I'm not going to. Don't want to be blamed for anything of that matter.
To be honest... I've gotten back to "pre-kid" me. That sounds bad, but life definitely was running me. I was stressed about many things and let it affect me and the family. There were equal issues there, but I take my part for not being "the leader" of the family. I'm more relaxed (for the most part), I'm having fun. I truly do enjoy being by myself. I gave up most of what I was and did for my M. I know now that I have to get some of that back and keep it to keep me happy.
Working out was another big thing.. I feel better about myself.. not to sound cocky, but I was pretty happy with me in that area anyway. Except for the mystery 30/10. I tried running outside again.. One of the top reasons I got out of the Corps. I did OK, but I will be getting a treadmill for the new year. If I can rid myself of the spare tire, I will be a very confident individual.
I do still have one major area I need to work on that would be beneficial for me as well as any possibility for reconciliation. Finances.. I've always been horrible at finances and this has definitely not helped. I've got a few opportunities coming up that will help me get things back on track, but I have to be sure and execute them properly. Unfortunately, I also need to push for the separation agreement to help with finances as well. I've shouldered the whole load and it isn't pretty. Again, my fault, but W definitely had some play there as well.
That's the one area that if I can get myself on track and start doing the things I want/need to do, I will truly be in a better place regardless.
Fortunately, it will time up with the new year and I can make that a New Year's resolution!!
The other thing I WAS proud of was quitting smoking. I had actually quit before all of this (which was another area of resentment.. I quit then she quits!!), but I've recently backslid on that. I've already got the prescription to do Chantix again (I recommend this to ANYONE who wants to quit... it works as long as you can mentally do it!!) so that will be back on track again soon.
Long post!!
I have my company kickoff in mid-January.. that should be fun. Our regional VP has promised that if the region makes it's number (which I believe we have) our 1st Q meeting will be in a warm place. I'll be buff and looking good for that meeting!!
W called I'm assuming on their way back from the Xmas thing. I let it roll.
Called her back and left a VM to call the house.
After 5 hours, I got a little concerned. They were ~100 miles away, and we've had snow etc. I finally broke and texted her.. "You OK? Haven't heard back from you and I'm worried about you."
She texted back "I'm good.. sorry.. I'll call soon"
She called.. couldn't peg it, but she didn't sound ecstatic.. didn't sound all that bummed either. Who knows.. I'm sure not going to ask how it went.
I played "as if" and was generally in a good mood. She talked to the D's and then asked about a pair of riding pants.. she is going to ride the mare one last time before she's gone.
One thing I don't like, is I've had that all too familiar "anxiety" feeling during the day. That's a no-no.. means I'm getting too close again. Need to back off a little which I will. It's nice to be able to see this and know what to do and actually have the control to do it.
Just curious though.