I find it hard to believe that your W is a C given how she acts. I feel sorry for those whom she counsels!
She is actually pretty good, but I think all the C'ing she has done is part of what has worn her down. You'll love this, she is now starting to do marriage counseling. OMG! Poor souls.
Originally Posted By: PhD_ChrisD
As you pointed out, we are both in similar circumstances. Luckily, I do not have the overhead of an PA. However, if you rememer over the summer, my W was doing a great deal of innapropriate behavior over the Internet. Now, she is off the Internet (I also disconnected it) but she is doing the bar-fly thing now. We are going to C so I think that helps. She is keeping her agreements to me and I to her. I am positive for us.
Ya, I noticed the positives that have come about in your home. I hope your W keeps moving in that direction.
Originally Posted By: PhD_ChrisD
1) Get the D, my friend, as fast as you can. You need a safe/sane R, not something that makes you nuts. I like the bulldozer analogy. If that safe/sane R is with her, then great, if not, then with someone else. In either case, your partner should treat you well, not like a doormat.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I think if I stayed with W our life would always have some emotional issues. I think she is so damaged from her childhood, that it is virtually unrepairable. I think she could learn to cope with the effects, but never solve the whole issue.
I also have thought about what I have to offer someone, and what I deserve. I've been approached by some attractive women lately, and just thinking why am I putting up with W and her behavior? I'm allowing myself to be the doormat. I think it is time to go dark again, not in an effort to win her back, but to focus on myself. When I was doing that over the last months, I started to rebuild myself and my life. Then with her back in it, it is now a mess again. Hmmm, what does that say? She brings the drama and I'm dumb enough to thrive and fall into it. Need to detach.
I know the arguments are "she can reopen the case", "we could still reconcil", "I love her", etc. All true. Still needs to be done. Cut the rope before she drags you down further.
Originally Posted By: PhD_ChrisD
2) Be good to yourself. All of these months of dealing with things can take its toll. I sense a great deal of stress and frustration. I bet getting away from your W will help alleviate some (if not all) of this.
It has taken it's toll. I've gotten out of the gym, picked up smoking again and basically just feel like crap. I need to get back on the bike, start lifting again and take care of myself. The stress headaches and stiff neck are back, all related to stress, and it isn't the new job. The job is going great, I'm starting to bring clients in, and just having a great time doing what I am doing.
Originally Posted By: PhD_ChrisD
3) I am courious as to how your son is coping? Did you and W have "the talk" with him separatley or together? He doing ok with school, other kids, etc.? How is his behavior in general? It appears to me that your WAW pretty much kicked him to the curb. My heart goes out to him and to you.
S has his good and bad days. Sometimes he asks about mommy moving home, pretty sad. There has been no talk with S, I'm not sure at almost 3 he would understand much. He already realizes we live apart. W doesn't want to talk to him about much right now.
W is dealing with an identity crises and other emotional issues. So to cope she will go out for a few nights party hard and drink it away. She goes club hopping all the time, then she will decide she wants to be a mother again and she will watch S for a day or so, then when the guilt and confusion sets in without the party there to help forget it, she will show up at my house, and pretty much drop him at my feet. She may stay or go, but if she stays she just curls up on the floor and looks at the wall. She can't resolve the fact that she is a mother and how that can fit into her new life.
I know there will be a wake up one day, and I'm not to sure if I want to help clean it up. The wake of destruction she is leaving behind her is getting larger and causing problems even within her family.
