still trying...update

[LL44]

Of course you want the holidays to be for the kids, but you don't want H to feel 'forgotten' either.

And yep, I think lingerie might be considered a bit romantic. That's not wrong, per say. Sara and saffie might weigh in and say its a good idea!

I know that faking it has to occur at times, but the true key is the real thing.

[saffie]

If you want to ML then do. I think it helped in my sitch - it reminded my H of how good things could be between us.

Try smiling - I had forgotten how to do that. I still have aproblem with it. the older I get the more serious I get. On the boards i am the opposite and the more silly I get probably the worse my day is but with my H I take evrything too seriously. When he met me I was a bit of a good time girl and the life and soul of the party. Work and children killed that in me. I have to work on finding that part. If it's what your H fell in love with then remind him of it.

Saffie

[LuvMyHusband]

Hey Saffie,
I agree. It seems like ML helps my H to remember and we are close. During Thanksgiving he was looking at me, stroked my face and then said "your so beautiful, I love you". I was surprised and said "really, you do?". He said yes. But then he leaves and gets distant again. I don't get it.

I totally agree about being serious. I was the good time, party girl too when we met. Work, responsibilities and life has made me more serious. I have forgotten how to have fun, to play and laugh. We used to make each other laugh more than anyone ever did. He loved it in Vegas. I got so smashed that I was dancing on stage blowing kisses at him. He thought it was hilarious. I need to work on finding the fun in me again too. I will remember to smile more often.

[LuvMyHusband]

btw, about 2 weeks ago, I sent him pictures of me in lingerie from my cell phone to his email address. He about croaked and loved it. Is this considered chasing or pursuing?

[Dr LOve]

btw, about 2 weeks ago, I sent him pictures of me in lingerie from my cell phone to his email address. He about croaked and loved it. Is this considered chasing or pursuing?

I don't know if it is chasing or pursuing. Why don't you send the picturs to me and I will let ya know...

Hey Luv,
THings take time. Beleive me I KNOW. I am finley to the point thought that I am figuring I have nothing to lose anymore so I am agian going to start pursuing. If it pushes her away so be it. I am not going to start out next year the same way this is ending.....
Take care luv, if he is still comming around then ya have a chance. but...
1. DO NOT SNOOP. This seems to be something he has a problem with. I know it is hard. but you have to deal with one issue at a time. I have given up on letting the OM thoughts screw with my head. I am first going to try to get back in a sound marriage and then work on OM issues I have.
I would advise you do the same except your H is not involed with a OM it A OW.....

Later
H

[LuvMyHusband]

lol. your so funny Husband. My worst enemy is impatience! I know that and am working on it. I am a work in progress that's for sure. Yes, he is still coming around but I think it's just for the kids, not me. He calls every other day to talk to the kids. He doesn't ask for me and I haven't been calling him. So I am really wondering how Christmas will go. When he is here, it's great, then he leaves and were back to distance again. He doesn't want to work on anything right now. He is waiting for "to see my changes and if they are consistent". Yes, that's a quote.

No,I am no longer snooping. I don't need to know anymore than I do. I really have given up on it and I think it's bc I have learned that I have no control over what he does or doesn't do so what does it matter if I know. As far as I know he broke it off with the OW over a month ago. What worries me is that he may look for a replacement but again, I have no control.

H, maybe you do need to pursue, just a little. Things have been the same, haven't they? maybe it's time to shake it up a little.

So, what's the consensus on the emailed pictures? Is it pursuing or chasing? If not, then it certainly got a rise out of him. lol. Pun definitely intended. lol

[Sara]

If he likes it, it is a good thing. If he doesn't like it, it is a bad thing. It's not so much what you do, but how he reacts to what you do. If something works for you, do more of it. If something doesn't work for you, give it up.

[LuvMyHusband]

Hi everyone,
I'm up to my ears preparing for Christmas. Spoke to H on the phone. He's planning on arriving on Sunday. The kids and I were hoping for Saturday. He hasn't been here since the Sunday after Thanksgiving.

I feel frustrated with him that he doesn't seem to be bending an inch. I have been keeping a PMA regardless of what he does or says, well, atleast when I'm talking to him I do. I seem to bounce back quicker now. I don't know if he's staying through New Year's Eve. I hope so. I am not going to ask though.

He told me today that he would prefer I not call his parents house. To either text him or call his cell, if he doesn't answer to leave a v/m. I feel like he is shutting another door on me. I will honor his request but it I feel hurt by it. It seems like the harder I try, the more he shuts down or shuts the door. I have no idea what his time here will be like but I feel like he has really shut the door on me. Total standstill.

[Hurtin4certain]

Luv, I could be wrong but it seems like he doesnt want you to call his folks house because he is staying with OW. Are you positive that they are done?

It sounds like you are doing a good job detaching, keep it up! I know how bad you want your M to work, keep on DBing. This stuff always takes longer than we want it to.

You're in my thoughts!

[LuvMyHusband]

Hi Hurtin,
The OW lives in Chicago, my H is in Ca with his parents. But...last week he made it seem as if he was there but he wasn't. His parents told me he was at a seminar when I called. He never mentioned it to me. Never even said he was going anywhere.

I am pretty certain that they are through but I do worry that he might be open to other possibilities as he still has his myspace account and he states he is divorced. I don't know if he is really looking or if it's a test for me. I haven't said a word.