The answer was staring me in the face all the time

[MaxP]

Wow sorry about the Christmas card. Have you talked to W about it yet? That's awful.

A comment about DB'ing during the worst time of our lives (post bomb). I think if anything, DB'ing gives us a goal, something we can focus on. Mainly, it gives us something we can control: us. We lose all control in our lives when our spouses choose to walk away. Slowly but surely DB'ing (I am talking about the GAL and PMA part, I lean more towards confronting/talking about A's than Michele does) helps us regain sanity.

The Christmas card feels like a watershed moment. I was incredibly upset when I first saw it, but in reality it wasn't a complete surprise, just solid confirmation of the evidence that had been mounting. As I mentioned in my post to Trixi, it has helped in making me understand what happened and in some ways has deflected some of the blame, which has been therapeutic. So, today I feel more at peace and vaguely amused by it all. Not a bad place to be for once.

Since I've now forwarded the card, my W can't ignore it and am sure will feel guilty (not that she ever shows it, I'm sure she deflects that onto me internally). I'm also sure she will try to avoid discussing it, citing that it is not my right to know anything about her life anymore. I don't really care, I'm free. Although that feeling will probably change next week.

With regard to DBing, I have so many self help books at the moment that I'm not sure what's going in any more. All I know is that what has happened has been really horrible to go through, but there are many people out there who won't get a shock like this and a real chance to look at their lives, who they are, what they want and how to improve themselves and the lives of others. If nothing else, I'm grateful for this opportunity and intend to make the most of it. I still wish I didn't have to pay the price I'm paying though. Somewhere out there is a woman who will benefit, it's a shame it isn't my W, since she and I had something good.

C'est dommage mais c'est la vie,

Now I'm really tempting fate writing French. I bet that's all wrong.

Max (I think they must have put something in the Hagen Das I've just eaten).