Today ~ I came back on this board to get with the WAW's who came back, and the men and women who have done something positive with thier "chance". H needs love. I need love. But there are SO many things to overcome. There is SO much work to do. And, when H doesn't do his part, or when he starts acting out old behaviors I get SO frustrated and angry. AND I feel like if I don't start showing him "affection" and start acting "happy", then he'll just up and leave anyway. I feel like he's asking me to lay down and take some more. I know, consciously, he doesn't even know what he's doing to convey this to me. I need to be patient, and to wait wait wait for his enlightenment.
In the meantime, what can I do? What can I do to keep up my part in this. I don't want to ever sell myself short again, but I feel like a witch in doing so.
Wow, Charcoal, your February sounded amazingly sad. Impressive that you are in this forum such a short time later, after the nightmarish scenes you describe. Good for you.
Re. "Today," it's intersting that I see both parts of myself and my wife in your sitch. My wife would say, "I need love," and add that I can't provide the type that she needs. She also would say I'm "not doing my part." I'm doing what I can to weather her storm, and not get defensive, but frankly, it feels as if I'm not allowed to do my part as she struggles with her MLC, her past, etc.
Other things my W could relate to would be not wanting to sell herself short and feeling like a witch in trying to do so. I have heard those words quite a few times. Now, our sitches are not the same in many ways, and I feel you have more of a reason to legitimately feel this way. (I'm thinking of your Feb. here.) I'd argue that my wife making these statements is a cop out, a way to try and escape into some new reality, but it doesn't sound like that is the case for you.
I think in a way, you're in a worse place because my W knows I have no intention at this point in leaving or giving up, so she doesn't even have to feign being happy or affectionate. So I keep paying the price for my inattention in dealing with our stuff earlier, and her ongoing struggles with many other issues in her life, which you've seen on my thread. So it seems you'd be in a very bad place at times. Any chance of the two of you agreeing to stick around for a while so that the pressure is removed from you?
Anyway, my part in your comments above revolve around "lay down and take it some more," plus "being patient and waiting for her enlightment." (And I need some, too, admittedly.) I suppose that's all we can do while we try to better ourselves at the same time. If they leave, they leave, but it's SO easy to say that when it hasn't happened yet. Anyway, don't know that I've added much here, but I'm glad you're moving toward reconciliation. I hope to be able to say the same thing someday. Vista
