Hello Kim and WillWin - it is nice to be back. We have been right up next to the edge and that was definitely a very wierd place.
I know I said mean, mean things, and Mat saw them and I wish I could go back and delete them all. Ouch indeed. It was definitely how I felt at the time, but still, it wasn't nice. So, Mat, if you read this, i'm sorry.
WillWin, what I'm doing is this:
I'm reading and applying the principles in "Emotional Blackmail". In other words, I'm going to stop being such a wimp and start asking for the kinds of emotional interactions that support a healthy R. I'm also going to forgive myself for allowing such depths to be reached. I'm also going to forgive Mat for the past, if i've not done so already. I'm going to take each day one step at a time and try really hard to not see each slip as a big failure.
I've made myself a number of promises that I am not going to break.
I've stopped talking to the eom, (I know I had stopped earlier, but then Mat said he was moving back east regardless of what I said and I took that as Mat D-ing me, and so...) anyway, i've stopped checking eom's posts on "his" message board, and I feel alot better about me than I did before. I mean, I'm insisting Mat excersize all this control ~ I suppose that means that I have to do the same thing, right.
I've also started sleeping in OUR bed again. Mat's been away for a week, and will be back in 4 days. I'm thinking to maybe even initiate some...
intimacy???
So, oh yes, we are both in therapy and attending a R seminar in a week or so.
Kim, I really appreciate your compliment on my writing. I aspire to publish *something* within the next 10 years. I also really appreciate yours and WillWin's replies. WillWin, i'm curious, lead me to the thread where I can figure out why you changed your sig. I'm excited and hopeful for you!
