So what do we REALLY do in the meantime...How do we show the LBS what they are missing...How do we make it safe or desireable for the WAS to come home...???
I cried ALOT in the meantime, and sulked, and hated life. But I also found tons of positive things to focus on. I threw myself into my work, picked up a new hobby, pretended that I wasn't living with a H, but with a roommate and began to rely on myself for all things. You can't focus on showing the LBS what they are missing, you have to accept that they may never see it. They may never want to come back. You make it safe for them to come home by listening without judging, by being willing to be confused by their answers, by being patient as they figure out their lives, by not demanding anything, but being open to a new R - the old one didn't work anyway, right?
I don't have this all figured out and I certainly didn't handle my stituation with all the grace and integrity I could have or should have. I just know that I felt a whole lot better about myself when I finally told my H that he could do whatever he pleased. He could make whatever choices he wanted. That allowed me to live my life how I pleased. It allowed me to be free to not wait for him and to do things that made me happy. It allowed me to be 100% self reliant - something I had always been prior to being married. It allowed me to find me again. And it allowed him to find him again.
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
