Angelica: Totally agreed. I have tried so hard. My kids are older, too, though Ashley was 12 when her dad left. They all decided NOT to ever include OW in their lives, despite the fact she is now married to their dad - their choice! They were not told of the wedding (read about it in the newspaper) and were not invited. I'm sure that spoke volumes to others about how well it was received.
At Christmas they try to spend a couple of hours with their dad but basically, they take what they can get. They used to ask every year to spend Christmas Eve with them but he blew them off to be with OW. Now they try to do something (one year Christmas was in his car as he was too cheap to feed them).
This morning, Ashley was telling me of all her plans between now and Christmas. She didn't even mention her father. So I said "I thought you were going to be with your dad briefly on Christmas Eve". She just turned up her nose and said "oh, yeah - well maybe". Hmmm.... he still can't see what he is missing.
I avoid him - he is always horribly nasty. But if I HAVE to speak to him, I try to keep it friendly or at least businesslike.
Yes, kids need to have some input. Best to ask their "ideal" then try to work out something close to that.
