A question about your past sitch...

[peaceful_spirit]

My H left our M to be with OW. He moved in with her. He came back a month later becuase he missed me and our family. But after a week, it was too hard and he ended up back with OW. He said he'd made up his mind and that he'd never try to come back again.

Well, H did come back... a few months later. HE started seeing a C. In my case, H and I got into a cycle where he had trouble ending contact with OW, I would not tolerate it so I would kick him out, he would go to her, then come back saying he doesn't want her. It was much like breaking an addiction.... knowing you don't want the drug of choice, but when things get tough, finding immediate comfort in the drug.

Anyway, H has now moved back in and we are on more solid ground. As for why he came back, I think it was because he realized that he was tring to fill an void with OW that he had with me. He and I were together since we were 19, so he was chasing his twenties again. OW was fun, and I was stressed and raisign two kids. But, those things are not what make a strong R. The reasons he was with OW were all superficial and represented the things that he really wanted from me.

In my understanding, this tends to be the case much of the time. The OW/OM is not the love of their lives, but rather sparked something within them that they'd been missing with us. What really sucks about affairs is that they really do become an addiction. And while it is not what they want long term, it feels good for now.

I will also say that H noticed changes in me. He saw me getting strong and indipendant. All the DB stuff did work in my case. I worked on me and H noticed.

What you need to remember is that the start of all Rs are exciting and fun. But sustaining an R when things get more boring is where the real strength of the R comes in. Right now, your W is having fun with OM. It's exciting and new. Give it time. It will soon grow old.