All I can hold on to is myself, kids and this site

[BEAUTYandWAH]

Before I go to dark, myH told me 'I miss you sometimes. I will think about us when I have time.. I have too much things in my mind and am confuesed'. He also said " you look great. Your face is glowing" I said 'thank you, Proactive is working for me' which is the truth but I didn't know what to say.........


He has told me 'i will never come back to you' for many time in the past 10 weeks and this is a big change... don't know what to do. Half of me wants to go dark and half of me thinking 'DBing working??!! '

In two weeks, I will be heading home (oversea) for about 3 weeks. So, the time of being apart will be similar to going DARK. I will not see him and probably will call him for kids. I will just try to have a distance from him for now and try to protect myself from getting hurt by his selfish action....

Tonight, my in-laws asked me to go to a trip with them next summer. Family re-union and visiting several places about 10 days. The plan sounds very good and I am interested in going with them. MyH, who knows if he says he is going or not. He probably make the decision the day before. So, I guess I have a plan with his family without him at this moment. I really don't know how this situation play on DBing. lots of ???????
Beauty

[LL44]

You are doing so well. H is seeing your changes and positive behaviors, that's for sure.

I think your trip is planned at a good time. I hope you can enjoy it and escape some stress for a bit. Dark doesn't mean you can't call him so the kids can say hi, so I say 'go for it'.

[BEAUTYandWAH]

lwb~
Thank you for your support. I haven't been able to go Dark yet. He was in the good mood and wanted to spend time together as a family at his place. We spend about 3 hours together and I came home by myself. He will be keeping kids overnight. Now, I am alone at home and I have time to read DB/DR and browse this site.

I am going to read more about 'goal seting and 180 technique' I think there are lots of things I can work on to improve myself.
lwb and everyone here, I hope you have a good weekend. I will come back for journaling soon.

Beauty

[JoieDeVivre]

Beauty,
I agree with LWB, the trip is good timing. And H is certainly noticing changes in you based on these comments:
Before I go to dark, my H told me 'I miss you sometimes. I will think about us when I have time. I have too much things in my mind and am confused'. He also said " you look great. Your face is glowing"

And, I would also call him for the kids. It doesn't mean you have to talk to him much. If you do, I would make sure that you're happy, upbeat, etc. when you do. Let him see what he's missing! He'll be home alone, without you (and the kids). (Are the kids going with you?)

And where is home?

Joie

[BEAUTYandWAH]

Both of the kids are going with me. So, he is going to be alone. But I know he has a plan to go to see OW out of state while we are gone. I have a feeling he is going with 'our' car. Well, we don't own the car and his parents own it. So, technically speaking, I cannot say 'don't take our car to see OW' but I feel sick even thinking she may get in my car. I use this car almost everyday to pick up kids, go to work and so on.. I talked to SIL about this and she said she will mention to her parents(=my in-laws). She said she totally understand my feeling. Hopely they will not let him take the car since his parents are not supporting him about A. MyH may come up with a big lie to take the car(like I am going to see my old buddy from high school....)
Beauty

[Yoyowife]

Beauty,
You say that English is not your first language, well I must say you have a wonderful command of it. What is your native language if you don't mind my asking?

[BEAUTYandWAH]

Thank you for complement!!

I am Japanese from Japan and was study abroad student in Hawaii when I met myH. He was a Marine. Our stich was so typical.. 'Young Asian woman meet a Marine and get pregnant after 5 months of dating. end up getting married' Everyone thought we would divorce in a couple years and lasted 7 years so far. I would say pretty good and I am still trying DBing.

But I am not good at reading.. just make me sleepy. I have DB/DR books about 2 months and haven't finished yet. They are always under my pillows.

[Yoyowife]

Wow, Japan. You are very far from home. We have quite a multi-cultured group on here.

If you and your husband are separated, the main chapter to concentrate on in DR is the LRT and the going dark chapters. These will be the most helpful right now since reading makes you sleepy.

[BEAUTYandWAH]

thank you for the tips! I am going to read some tonight
Beauty

[BEAUTYandWAH]

Journaling..

Okay.. I was seriously thinking about getting a dog for a while. On a adoption agency website, I found a very cute poodle puppy. I told myH about her the other day. Today, he told me that he would like to get D6 the dog for X'mas gift. He said he will pay for the adoption fee and will pay half of doctor visit fees from now on. He will take care of the dog while we are gone for vacation and will have her whenever D6 wants to visit him with the puppy.


After all, the dog was already adopted and we are still looking for a rescue dog. I was very sad...


I am sure my H doesn't think adopting a dog is a 'family commitment'. But I feel it is a big step for all of us to welcome a 'family member'... I am already feeling like a having a baby.....humm..

I am really confused but I am going to let things happen.. he told me many times that we cannot have a dog for many reasons...but now he saying "I will get you a dog"..
Anyways, I am happy that I may have a dog by 12/25!
Beauty