First post

[mrarow]

That makes good sense as well. Its just so hard to look at your wife and want her so bad and know that she does not have any of those feeling for me now? Its hard to think of life being so unforgiving when it comes to relationships. I hope for some affection every day but nothing just less and less attention. She does not even talk much and when she does she seems irritated and distant. Real hard this time of year to feel lonley... Going to go shopping now with W. I Will try and be positive and happy.

[mrarow]

Hard to remain possitive when W keeps pulling back farther when i'm not changing anything just giving her more space which is what she asked for. No more kisses or hugs from her goodbye now when she goes out. I reached for her hand today shopping and that did not go well. It was limp and i just let it go after about 30 seconds and said I hated that she was beeing so cold. She said I was being selfish and not respecting her feelings. Go figure I just can't seem to get this right! I just can't seem to get used to the fact she wants nothing to do with me sexualy or emotionaly and need to get this thru my head before she moves out as that would be her next step at this rate. THIS SUCKS!!!!

[Tostada]

the detachmentthey have from us is very difficult. I findmyself always challenging it.

last night I got hammered and crawled in her bed when I got home. she immediately put her arms around me and started kissing me. this lasted a few minutes then she rolled over and wouldn't let me touch her. I think its a sign of how confused they are. my w is the same as yours right now...won't say hello, goodbye, won't touch, cold, etc.

[mrarow]

Wow I would do that to but I know I will just be rejected and asked to get out of bed and then she would want to move. Its a no win I have to hope she may come to me again one day?? I really wonder. I went out and had drinks with friends and met a very beautiful single woman. I have found myself thinking about her eyes all day. They were unreal, never seen anything like them just stunning. what's that about? A beautiful 6 year younger sexy woman? I need affection from my wife bad and soon before I crack and do something selfish and stupid and try finding it somewhere else. You only live once and its hard to take rejection day in and day out for months and months. This is very hard life lesson stuff that we all seem to be going thru right?? Everything happens for a reason? Hmmmm getting so lost at times....Wife is out at club or bar with girl friend again tonight..I sometimes feel she's out meeting OM and may just well be?.

[WAS32]

Hi mrarow

I can relate to part of your sitch. My H is out again for the third night in a row. What for I ask myself? It is very hard to go without the affection and love you crave but let me tell you when you are getting it and then they walk out the door a few minutes later isn't easy either. You might be better off not getting it until she knows she really wants to give it. I find it confusing when he is here and all cuddly but can leave an hour later angry so he can go to the bar with buddies. Even though it really hurts, maybe it's a gift in disguise. Sounds silly but maybe. Just my thoughts on the whole affection thing.

[mrarow]

I hear you, but it does not make it much easier to be in this situation. I miss intimacy with my wife bad. Its been over a month and that's unheard of in my relationship!! W swears she is having no contact with OM but still hard to believe her after so many lies regarding him and there Affair. I have never felt so rejected in my life. She is now officially on the other side of the fence and taking separation and wanting all my personal belongings to be added up and split with the assets. I never dreamed I would here this kind of stuff from her. I need to get out and enjoy myself more as it helps to go spend time with others. I need companionship and friends ships right now as I have lost so much with this situation. I feel for you WAS32 hope things turn around for you and he wakes up and can see what's in his own backyard before he ends up like me with WAW and no effort to let us work it out. To much To late she says. Sorry but its about what she wants now. She is in love with my X-bestfriend and that's all it seems she thinks about now and how much she is not happy here anymore with me. She lets me know her feeling a lot now and I just try and listen but its hard not to end up with tears running down my face and feel I need to defend what we once had and what she feels was all a big mistake. Not very happy today. ;(

[WAS32]

I know the pain you talk of. It really hurts. Most nights I am here alone in our bed. It feels awful. I hope you have good friends that can help you get your mind off of all of this for a few hours. I know it does help. I was going to the gym everyday (haven't due to weather) and I would think about all the worst parts while I was working out. It seemed to help me get through the rest of the day. maybe try that. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you it's gonna be okay. Life just stinks sometimes.

[mrarow]

Yea its unfortunate a lot of people in this world it seems go thru this kind of pain. I have to make new friends as my very closest and best friends have let me down and he is waiting for my wife to leave me so he can have her. He is in love with her and I have to remain smart and just walk away the better man. I have wanted to loose it so many times and deal with him man to man but I know that will also just push my W into his arms. Hug, yea I need lots of them now and have been getting my share from my girls but The one girl I really want to hug does not hug me very often anymore. I miss her love and touch as much as anything I have ever missed. I will always stay fit now that I have lost all my weight. I was working out a lot and have quit for a couple months due to my depression. It does help for sure! I am slowly getting back into it. I am going for lots of long walks by myself to think. Seems to clear my head a bit. Thanks for the input.

[IAChild]

Mrarow,

Snap out of it, man! You sound like you are ready throw in the towel.

I have to make new friends as my very closest and best friends have let me down and he is waiting for my wife to leave me so he can have her. He is in love with her and I have to remain smart and just walk away the better man. I have wanted to loose it so many times and deal with him man to man but I know that will also just push my W into his arms. Hug, yea I need lots of them now and have been getting my share from my girls but The one girl I really want to hug does not hug me very often anymore. I miss her love and touch as much as anything I have ever missed.

Pardon my velvet 2x4, as we say in these parts, but this does not sound like a man who is hunkering down and ready to dig in to save his marriage.

Trust me, I know how very, very, VERY hard this is. But you haven't even tried for very long! When did things start falling apart? When did W drop the bomb?

Michele has a rule of thumb in her book -- it takes roughly 1 month for every year of the R before the WA starts to come around. And that's WITH strong DR efforts. Without, it can take much, much longer, if at all. I can attest tothis rule of thumb, as it held true in my sitch. So dropped the bomb the end of Sept; I moved out a month later; by the end of January he was telling me that he still loved me. Now it took another 7 or 8 months before we finally reconciled, but the light bulb was starting to glow. At the time of the bomb, we'd been together just short of 5 years.

Remember -- what you focus on, EXPANDS . If you focus on your pain and your depression and everything you can't have right now, it will seem worse than it really is. If, on the other hand, you focus on all of the good things you DO have and good things you ARE DOING, and set your sights on the goal of a health M/R with your W, then you will stay focused and you have a very good shot of getting to where you want to be.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but right now everything is up to you -- it's all in your hands, whether you realize it or not. You are at a place everyone eventually finds themselves -- ready to give up and move on. That's your choice. I just want you to understand that all is not as bleak as it looks.

M

[mrarow]

I don't know any more its all just so dificult to deal with! I know its not going to be easy but W just keeps putting knife in deeper every time we talk and now she is talking moving out and wants half of all my collectables as well as our assets and house. I can't belive its going so bad the wrong way!!!I may be getting ready to throw in towel and put up a wall as i am just dieing inside.... Must go to work now while she sleeps in......I am losing my will to fight I think....