Sleeper- My kids are a little older, 11 and 13. I try to phrase things in a way where they feel like they don't have to choose between mom and dad.
We have movie night here and on one of those nights, H wanted to take them out to eat because he couldn't make it to something of theirs (can you say guilty?!?!). Anyway, I told the girls that Dad was going to take the out to dinner to XYZ (their favorite restaurant). They protested saying that it was movie night. I called H and rescheduled for a different night.
As far as Christmas plans, I told them what the plan was and included them going to H's parents on Christmas Eve. I asked if that plan was good with them. They asked if they had to go Christmas Eve. I called H and told them that Christmas Eve is out.
I used to be concerned that H would think I was brainwashing them. Now I don't care. I know, in my heart, that I am presenting this to them in a positive manner with no bias. I know what I am doing is right and in their best interest.
We usually go to Florida right after Christmas and spend about a week there. I was really looking forward to going this year and getting away. I told the girls that we would still go. D13 said she didn't want to. She wanted to see her dad on her birthday (right after Christmas).
I cancelled the trip.
So I guess I don't really ask. I tell them the plan and look at the reaction and go from there. It may help somewhat so they don't feel like they are in the middle and have to make a choice.
