It is the hardest thing you will ever try to do. But you are putting the cart before the horse. Yes, you want to save your marriage. And that may happen. But it will only happen as a by-product, so to speak. Your first thoughts must not be "will this save my marriage" or "how will she react?" Instead, your first thoughts must be "is this good for ME?" and "am I growing?" You can only work on yourself--that is a cliche on these boards, but it's so true. Work on yourself. Look at your failures in the marriage, and figure out how to grow as a person. If you get your wife back, great, if not, you will be better prepared for a new relationship in the future. You can try all you want to save the marriage, and it might not be saved. I've done more personal growth than I ever imagined possible, and it apparently wasn't enough. My W says she wants a D. In fact, she has never really given me the chance to show much of that growth despite my indicating a desire to talk at anytime. I think she senses it and maybe is afraid to confront the "new" me because it would throw her for an emotional loop. Safer for her to think of me as the same old "villain." Who knows, what I just wrote may be wrong; I really don't know what's in her head. But that is my point--you cannot control her.
I know some people pull back from D,but frankly as a result of my reading and growth I would not take her back until she showed me a LOT of growth on her part. It is liberating to be able to say that sincerely. I hope you get to that place, too. You'll be glad you did. Until then, you will spin in circles trying to please her and figure her out. Been there, done that. Believe me, this other path is much better.
