Sometimes what we write here can easily be misunderstood by others. I'm glad you clarified that.
If I could go back and change anything (now that I've been apart from my ex for over 6 years), it would be to TRY to keep things a bit warmer, a bit friendlier. No, I did nothing to make this happen really. He had the affair, he left, he was cruel throughout. It would have been better if he had tried harder. But I know I could have as well - I let my own pain rule. Maybe I could have put the kids more in the forefront - I don't know - but hindsite is 2020.
Do your best to make things the best that you can. Your heart will feel better for it and you are setting a terrific example to your children.
To everyone who is fairly new in the process - my heart goes out to you. I posted over here for about 3 years before moving over to Surviving when I knew I couldn't repair things by myself. But I like to check in - I know how it all feels.
