Time for honesty & truth for a new beginning

[phbear316]

Oh, i think i back slid tonight. H has to work, 11p to 7a. Not scheduled staff member out sick. I say to H at dinner i'm sorry you have to work, it is going to be such a nasty night. H says its ok.

H goes to leave around 10:30 and i walk down to the garage to say good bye. Well I say good bye please be careful, and h leans in and gives me kiss on the cheek. I then said it, ok be safe i love you. AAAAARRRRRGGGG! I have been so good in not saying it to him. Part of a 180 on my part. I have not said it in probably close to two months. H said i love you to right back to me. Now don't get me wrong , there are no hopes here. Trust me. I think i said it because i am so concerned about the weather tonight. And you know as i sit here, it good every once in a while he should hear that from me. Certainly won't kill him. Anyway in his mind it does not mean a thing. Just words.

Still in countdown mode to when he is going to tell me he is going to fla. Maybe tomorrow? Maybe he is not going? I don't know. Maybe he is staying up to work? I know there are numerous holes in his schedule for xmas eve and xmas day. Now puts kink in my holiday. I was going to go to my parents house xmas eve and maybe stay till xmas day. I don't know, I know tomorrow will be the day he will tell me. I cannot believe he being such a chicken s&^t about telling me. Now i would think he would be all over that and told me long time ago, just to get away from me and to see me hurting. But joke is kinda on him right now, I really don't think its going to effect me as he thinks. I happy he will be in Fla vs up here with ow.

phbear