So what am I to believe? I can't let go of this feeling within me that H is just screwed up and that we will eventually be back together. Is this just because I don't want to accept the fact that he really has stopped loving me? Is it because I don't want to face the fact that he has in fact fallen in love with someone else? Their 'relationship', albeit based on lies has been going on for over a year now. Could it be that it is real and not the fantasy that the books say it is? Am I the one who is dillusional here? H is constantly reinforcing that it is over. Today I made a comment about what he is choosing to do and he corrected me and said "what I CHOSE to do". He said, it is done...I'm not doing it, I've done it. It is over.
I wasn't doing a very good job of validating. I tried hard at one point to explain how I feel very guilty about what got him to the point of not caring anymore. That I understand now what he was feeling. But it just doesn't make a difference any more when he is sitting there jamming it down my throat that it is over.
He seemed a little peeved about what people have been saying to him only to point out that it was because of what I've been telling them. I said, I've talked to my best friend only about the facts. Nothing but the truth. He seemed to understand when talking to her or other people that what he has done is wrong...but sitting in front of me he can't.
Anyone who has any MLC or life crisis background....is this normal? I read that it is. But after today it makes believing in possibility so much harder.
I know all the right things to say... - let go of the rope - focus on me and my kids - the R w OW will most likely end - he may or may not come back and I have to make myself ok in either event - I have to stop thinking about this and focusing on him and what went wrong.
The fact is, after 9 yrs together, 4 yrs of marriage...he left me with a 2 yr old and 8 months pregnant for another woman with NO chance of trying to save our marriage. I never had a fighting chance. Then when our son is 19 days old asks me to look at our options for selling the house. Is there ANYTHING in there that is understandable? He actually said that most people would have been able to move on by now in (3 months). When I said I didn't want to sell the house until I go back from mat leave (in 1 year) he said he didn't understand why I didn't want to move on myself. Like I should be over this by now. With a baby! Is it possible to do this to someone you even used to love? Can a human being go from being a caring, loving and compassionate person to having the ability to do these things and be changed for the worse forever??
He is being completely unreasonable, yet he sits here in front of me and acts completely oblivious. He treats it all like a business transaction...no emotion at all. I do not understand how ALL emotion toward me at all is gone. Nothing. How do you spend that long with someone and it's this gone? He says it's been gone for a long long time.
Everything I'm describing seems to come from the MLC script. Can I really have faith that he will come out of this? Even if we never end up back together I want him to come out of this for his kids. I don't want their father to be this cold person who shows no emotion whatsover when it comes to their mom.
Now what is weird about today is that I didn't learn anything new. I knew he was VERY clear that it is over. I knew he wants to live with OW. I knew he stopped loving me a long time ago. But why do I feel so torn again? I think it's because he can't see how unreasonable it is and that he has no consideration for the impact on me. Of losing my marriage with a newborn.
Is he in the darkest part of his tunnel right now? He doesn't seem very dark...he is actually being quite clear. But the emotion is what is lacking.
Any MLC insight here would be great. Has anyone else's H been this clear that it is over and he really loves OW? Anyone who has heard this and then seen a change in their spouse?
I feel the urge now (as I always do after we talk) to send him an e-mail. I'll probably write it tonight and then wait 48 hours to send it.
I'm just looking for a little shadow of hope. Something to put his actions and demeaner into perspective. To make it make sense. Is that possible. I hate that I know all the right things to say and do, but I still have days like this when I just can't help but rant about it! I KNOW I KNOW...FOCUS ON MYSELF! sigh....thanks for listening. J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
