is he too young for MLC?

[WAS32]

So today I am just numb. H showed up at my house at 2:30 in the morning. He had been drinking and woke me up cuddling. I was feeling a little unsure but it was nice to have him there. But the more I start to think about it the more I am thinking I am his back up plan. If things are not going as planned for him he comes to me. How much is giving too much? If it starts to hhurt me is that too much?

Today we were watching T.V. and he made breakfast because I told him that I was too sick to do it. He did it begrudgingly though. And then we started to talk about X-mas presents and all hell broke loose. He starts yelling and swearing at me about getting a job and making my own f@#king money. I said that was fine but was he gonna help with daycare costs? We do have a D4 who needs someone to look after her and a S8 who has to come home to someone after school. He hasn't been paying me foe the kids. He did buy $200.00 worth of groceries last week but that's it.

I don't yell at him for all the things that he buys himself or the money he spends at the bar. i actually don't even mention it. But I do think he should have some of the expenses for the kids. Of course this is a blow up so I just walked away and let him leave. Not going to get anywhere with him when he's like this.

The whole fight made me upset for about 5 mins and then everything came rushing back. All the times he did this to me. Placed blame and responsibility all on my shoulders. To the point where I really started to feel like an inadaquete wife. All the times he walked out on me because he didn't want to deal with a problem. He puts on this "I'm great" act in front of all his friends and this is "all my wifes fault" additude.

Well I have no problem admitting when I am wrong but I am tired of taking the blame for things I didn't do. I think i have to seperate myself from him for a little while. i know it won't be hard because I am pretty sure he is going to do the same thing right now. He'll need someone to blame if X-mas is ruined.I know it sounds crazy, but that is what he'll do. Not being in my face everyday made me forget how much I really have been taking on. Today was an eye opener. Time to really work on GAL and letting those things go. They have been heavy to carry around for so long.

I really hope I feel like this tomorrow too!!!!!

Thanks for listening again!