Hey there, ST. In regard to your comments about what Heim owes W, I submit that he owes her respect as the mother of his children and as a person. He doesn't "owe" her sticking around until she comes around. We all reach a point DBing, working on ourselves, when we either feel like we've done all we can or we don't want the R anymore (or both), and then we're open to someone else.
Sounds like you're reaching that point, Heim, at least regarding feeling like you've done what you can. You could have a fantastic life for years and years, without any outside romantic interest in the picture, and still be open to W's return. Or you might decide one day you're open to someone else and test the waters (the date).
The thing is, though, there's no calendar that says, okay, you've waited long enough, time to move on. Everyone is different. And no one can tell you you haven't given it enough time. When you're done, you'll know it. And then you don't "owe" your spouse any more time than that.
It's not ideal, I know. It would be great if every WAS came around, if every LBS were willing and able to wait until that day. Doesn't happen, though.
