What Happened?

[familyman dave]

RCR,

Thanks for your reply and clarifications. I'm replying to a couple of those (don't know how to use the quote) I will be reading the MLC resources and post some more later.

"But trying doesn't count if your spouse doesn't know there are problems. And you knew before...since you were in counseling, but she did not let you know she was still not feeling right." - She definititely knew there were problems but looking back I think even during the counseling she already felt there was no solution and may have already been planning to leave. Maybe she felt she was trying to prove to herself that she tried.

"What did you your DB coach say sounded like MLC" Definite mood swings. Doctor said she is depressed and in menopause and prescribed anti depressants and hormone therapy. She tried both for about a month and decided she didn't like how they made her feel, so stopped taking them. Definitely trying to dress younger (she doesn't look anywhere near her age anyways). Been working at new job for about a year. Has new friends. She had been a very family oriented mom and grandma. Used to see the grandkids at least 4 or 5 times a week. After she moved out she sees them once or twice a week at the most. Isn't communicating much with her sister or mom. Was close to her sister. They can't understand. Is somewhat isolating herself from her family. Did go to Hawaii by herself in November during the week of her 50th birthday. Our daughter has a long time friend who lives there. Wife stayed with her. Charged her expenses to her credit card that is her name only. I asked her if there was anyone else - She said No, no.

"What are her marital complaints?
What changes does she want and what changes do you want--in you?"

Says I am too controlling. Says through the years that I have drained her personality. I feel that is an exaggeration but if that is how she feels I understand it is valid to her. Also feels there is no passion in the marriage and feels that for her remaining life she wants to be happy. Says she is so sorry she is doing this. Through the years I let my weight get out of control. I definitely had low energy. She has always taken better care of herself. She has said this is also an issue. I am working on this with exercise and better food plan. That is helping me feel a lot better already, but after getting the papers yesterday I feel terrible.

"Did your cousin say why you should contact her once served"
My cousin said to contact her (not my wife) and she would explain the next steps. Probably didn't word that well.

Thanks again,
FMD

Me - 52
W - 50
3 grown children
Married 31 years
Separated late september 07
Bomb dropped mid Oct 07
Married - 31 years