One foot in front of the other....

[JoieDeVivre]

Hurtin,
Sorry to hear you didn't have a great day. Sometimes our sitches just get the best of us. That is certainly understandable!

I really dont understand why my W would come to me with all her stessful issues and ask me for advice... isnt that what the OM is there for?

I was pondering what you said above ... why would she come to you instead of OM? I know I talk to people I trust when I have issues. I talk to people whose opinion I value. I talk to people I respect. Sometimes it's family members, sometimes it's friends. So, perhaps she was talking to you as a friend. Or perhaps she was talking to you as someone she knows, trusts and respects? Hard to say, but think about it. Who do you go to when you need to talk?

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

[Hurtin4certain]

So W called this morning to talk to D. She told D she will be in trouble when she comes back to W's house. Basically, she's mad that my D calls me when she is upset, W says D is playing us against each other. While some of that may be true, D is showing signs of extreme stress.

My W then tells me we need to team together.. WTF?!?! If she would of teamed with me before moving this dude in, we could have prepared D for it or at least discussed other options. Basically, we're in this situation from her LACK of teaming.

SHe then tried to blame me for not teaming with her and that she should have expected it, I told her that she needed to think about her D before she thought of herself. She as usual, cussed me out. I told her I would not tolerate her swearing at me and if it continued, I would end the call.

SHe then went on about how great of a mother she was, "if it wasnt for me..blah blah blah"... I said if it wasnt for you, we wouldnt be in this sitch.

The more we talk, the less attractive I find her. She truly is a loose cannon, combine that with being bipolar and off her meds and its a recipe for disaster.

[Yoyowife]

H4C,
Your situation is totally different from the rest of ours. You have to put your daughter first. Your daughter has too much stress placed on her. Have you thought about making an appointment with her school counselor and letting her know what is going on. She has to keep your conversaion confidential. Let her talk to your daughter. She is a third party so your daughter won't be "playing both of you" as your wife put it. It is also good documentation that for you, if it comes down to child custody issues. But more importantly your daughter needs some counseling. Do not put this off, most children will be getting out for the holidays so you need to talk to the counselor Monday. I would ask her not to mention to your daughter or wife that you were there. You don't want the fallout coming back on your daughter.

[Yoyowife]

Another thing to add. A lot of time when a child is under stress like this, they tend to act out, grades drop, behavior changes, etc. Teachers are very sympathetic when they know what is going on, but if they don't know, lots of time they will just think the child is being lazy and disrespectufl. Let the teacher know that you and wife are separated and it has been tough on your daughter. You don't have to tell her all of the details. Just let her know what is going on and to please keep you informed if there is a problem.

[Hurtin4certain]

Thanks Yoyo.. Im still struggling with W's lack of regard for her own child. THis OM must be something else if she is willing to hurt her child in order to be with him.

SHe knows how this is hurting D but she seems to think that D will eventually adjust just like all the other blended families have.

The only difference is that 2 months ago, she was with me and our D as a family again. Now she is with someone else trying to establish a family with OM.

I really wish I could just stop loving her and idealizing her. I go back and forth with my memories of her.. 1 minute thinking all the bad things she has done (abandoned family, lied, cheated, always out getting drunk) and the next minute I think about how she took care of me when I was sick, encouraged me to succeed in my job, held my hand when we walked in the mall.

I know her bipolar issues explain the huge mood swings but I know somewhere deep down, my W is there. I just cant see her now.


H4C

[Hurtin4certain]

Taking my D to see Alvin and Chipmunks today...should be fun.

Im not looking forward to this week, I should have the money for my Lawyers retainer and will file. I have a feeling this is going to get really ugly.

My W will become VERY defensive when she see's the name of the lawyer I have retained, my lawyer is very well known in our area for being a bulldog, she doesnt take any crap from anyone.

In fact, she got my brother full custody of his kids when he went through his divorce.

It really bums me out that it has come to this but its something I have to do for the sake of my daughter. I also think it will eliminate any chance of future reconciliation with my wife, she can be very stubborn and will let her pride get in the way of ever pursuing something with me again.

Who knows... Ive read lots of stories about people remarrying each other after the Big D. I think this is something I have to do to earn her respect as well. Throughout the course of our marriage, Ive always been the pursuer. We would fight and I would almost always apologize 1st, even if I knew I was right.

Perhaps she just lost respect for me? SHe doesnt think Im man enough to stand up for myself?

[LL44]

Perhaps she just lost respect for me? SHe doesnt think Im man enough to stand up for myself?

I just don't know what to think about your W, especially after the conversation (or IM?) the other day. But we know your reality, daughter comes first. Beyond a doubt. What do you think about having one last 'talk' with W, about her treatment of D and her non consistent behaviors? Do you think it would help at all?

[Hurtin4certain]

I think that any talk with my W regarding her behaviour will only solidify her stance.

She is very pride driven (she can do no wrong in her own eyes). The only thing that Ive accomplished by talking about her behaviour and decisions, is getting cussed out.

One thing that really bugs me is that D told me W and OM smoke in the house. Im not happy with that at all. I recently quit smoking but I would never EVER smoke in my house or vehicle.

IM beginning to transition from the denial/depression stage to anger. I can feel it brewing. My W has a total lack of concern for anyone but herself.

Ive decided that when Im feeling defensive, I will not talk to or see W, I will have my mom exhange D with her so I dont say anything to compromise my chances of custody.

I will go to the gym and work out my anger and release it there.

[Hurtin4certain]

Morning all... I hope you all have a great Monday!

[Hurtin4certain]

So it looks like W and I arent on speaking terms once again. She wants me to validate her decision for choosing OM and also validate her feelings about daughter acting out.

I refuse. She told me on Saturday morning that we need to "team" up in regards to our D. Basically she wants me to punish D for a letter she wrote on my W's computer about how she doesnt like OM, misses her daddy and wants her family back.

I told her I would not punish her for expressing herself. I think W is experience huge guilt and wants me to say things to alleviate it for her, nope, not gonna do it.

I told her "If you would of "teamed" with me from the start, this would of never happened". I told her if she was to go about this the right way, our D wouldnt be so damaged.

She hung up on me, Im beginning to notice a pattern LOL.

Part of me is still really hurt, especially when I think about her and OM doing couple things together. Dancing, doing fun things, sex....

Thats my wife and she doesnt give a damn.