DR Chapter 2 - Think Small

[marc_d]

Hey everyone. I called her last night around 1:30 because I was upset and thought of some more things I wish I said to her when we talked and I just really missed her. I didnt get emotional and question her coming back to me or working on it, it was basically more of the same as before.

One thing that is positive is she said again how she would have reacted just like me and I said I was sorry it jjust took so long for me to realize what I was doing and she said she is not going to be like, "well its too late". Im hoping that she means it and she doesnt feel like its too late.

The only other thing I wish I said, and Im not trying to get dirty here, but I brought up the conversation of trimming down below and she asked if I shaved it all off and said no, I wouldnt do that unless requested. and she asked if I would do that if my girlfriend (imaginary) asked me to. I told her I cant answer that because I cant think of showing anyone my business. But I wish I said to her, I cant think of it because Im planning on looking for a girlfriend.

I just want her to know that I want to use this time to grow but not look for another relationship. I dont know why Im so upset right now. She called me like crazy the past few days and I guess its because I am having a little touch of what I used to have and Im dying for more. I just hope I didnt scare her off by our conversation last night. She seemed fine with it and not mad at me. I dont know.

I just wish I had more people to hang out with to get my mind off of things. I feel so alone at times and these times are the worst. I know I can go out by myself but it will still just make me think about everything. I feel like breaking down right now. The worst part about this is not having anyone to go to.

I always could go to her for my problems, now I feel so alone. I know I need patience. I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs right now! Im so angry and upset that this is happening to me! Well, I doubt anyone will read this anyways. It seems like I just type here for a journal these days because I get no feedback. It would be nice to hear from someone.