DR Chapter 2 - Think Small

[marc_d]

Well, I told my counsler last night all about my X-mas week events and she mentioned the idea of talking to my GF about things. Not necessarily the realtionship, but to ask her if I am giving her the space she wants or if she would be happier if I did something else.

Im just so torn. I dont feel like Im getting the progress I am looking for. I just dont see the baby steps progressing like I thought they would. Well, I might make changes to this and I dont even know if I will tell her this yet, but I wrote up a letter to read to her if I decide to talk to her about things. Suggestions are greatly appreciated and Im sorry I ramble on so much.


I just want to say Im sorry for the way I have acted in the past. I know all you wanted was some time and space to get a social life of your own so you wouldn’t feel like you depened on me and I was being selfish by not accepting that, and by questioning your actions. In the beginning I know It was wrong of me to keep asking you for an update on when we would be back together when you told me we would, you just didn’t know when. I was blind to see that my actions were prolonging it all. Instead of truly thinking why things were the way they were by putting myself in your situation and respecting your wishes, I acted out of fear and my own insecurities which caused me to act on my emotions most of the time. I am telling you this because I feel my actions built up a mis-trust over time and it kills me knowing the mistakes I have made and the damage it has done to the bond we shared. I know a several months ago I came to you and told you I respected your wishes and would do my best to do what is needed of me and be there when you needed me but it wasn’t sincere enough on my end. Yes, I deep down wanted to mean every word I said to you and in a way I did but I did not have the tools or the knowledge as I do now to deal with my emotions.I just want you to know how terrible I feel for going back to the old ways after making such a strong statement, and I hope you noticed that within the past 2 months I have stopped my negative behaviors which I did in the past. I felt as though I needed to show you I can change my behavior before I told you this again since I faltered very shortly after the last time I said these words. We cant undo what has happened, we can only work better together in the future regardless of where we stand. After having said this, I just want to know how you feel about the way I have been recently? Am I giving you the space you are looking for, would you like more space from me, or do you wish we could be more open to communication or spending time together as friends? I want you to be happy and will do what it takes because I want to be your best friend again, and that is what best friends do for eachother.