Lil and Red Thanks for understanding about the impact his leaving had on our M. Yes, we have always had a SSM but I would have cruised through this M without a thought of leaving (I think) until that dreaded time in our lives. Everything has changed. Both for the better (in some ways) and obviously for the worse.
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Did he say when he was planning to tell you about it? Did he just pack a bag and leave?
If you try to analyze in yourself WHY you cannot seem to forgive him... what do you come up with? I'm convinced that your inability to forgive is NOT because of some character flaw of yours, but because there is something real that has not been resolved in spite of all his apologizing, etc. What is it that is still sticking in your craw? I have a feeling it's more than just sex. (I hate it when people say "just sex.")
That's why I said that his recent statement about y'all being platonic seemed to be a cover for rage. I get the idea he's baiting you in some way, provoking you. There's something bubbling under the surface, but I can't put my finger on it.
Well, I don't think he is baiting me or provoking me at this point. I think he is extremely remorseful for what happened. I truly believe that. That is why I have been saying it's ME and my inability to truly forgive. I don't want to get into all the dirty details again about that time, let's just say it was so bad I had a fleeting thought of suicide. I would never have done anything like that and do not have any history of depression. But just getting to the point of even thinking that way really did a number on me. I did stay with that C we were seeing for MC after H decided he didn't want to go anymore. So I did a little IC after the incident. The C told me to move on, H was not coming home, just start dating and living your own life. So that's what I did. The irony is that my R with the man I was seeing while S was probably one of the best things for my self-esteem and one of the worst for my M. But I truly thought the M was dead, so... Yet here was are years later and trying again. I'm wondering if we just got back together too soon. That I didn't work through all those feelings properly and resolve that R with OM to it's conclusion. I don't know. Anyways, we are getting a huge snow storm in the Northeast this weekend and we are all hibernating in the house. Hopefully we will have some good talks.
