I've had the thought before that you and HD are "stuck" for similar reasons. You are both people who highly value family and stability and your first marriages were to people who were highly unstable. So, it's like you both "shopped" for the opposite for your second marital partner and ended up with problems on the other end of the dysfunctional spectrum. Maybe, in a way, you were punishing yourself for being LD in your first marriage by going ahead and marrying a man with whom, as you put it, the sex was uncomfortable from the get-go. HD also indicated that the sex with MsHD wasn't great pretty much right from the beginning. It's like you guys were telling yourselves that because you left Marriage 1 due to values A and B, you were willing to put up with lack of C in Marriage 2...or something like that. IOW, your choice of second marital partner was reflective of lingering fusion from your first marriage.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
