Wow - what a can of worms I opened. I honestly never considered the issue of multiple marriages as an academic point. I just threw it in there as a emotional point that I am aware of within myself. I have an Aunt that was married three times and has had several long term boyfriend in between. She also cheated on husband #2. She is a kind of self centered, cold person in general so that is probably the association I am making in my own head.
Further I do believe that just like it isn't possible to make it in all job environments it isn't possible to make it in all marital pairings. It is SEVEN years since I left my 1st marriage. I didn't leave because of anyone but myself. I couldn't continue respecting myself if I stayed. My ex-H has since remarried and divorced. He is still unemployed, still "figuring himself out" and quite a few of the things that were a problem at the time. Now, I can look on these things with sympathy and he and I are kinda friendly. In our marriage his inability to get it together caused him to be very ugly, undercutting and verbally abusive toward me - he needed to blame someone for all of this. Now he just throws the label of "recovery" on it and stays ill. I suppose he and I could have stayed together and I could have continued to carry the whole load for both of us and I would have been just as LD as current H if not more.
Current H and I get along, treat each other well and are good partners together. We are good parents together. We carry the weight together. I DO feel that walking away from a situation that is functioning well in so many ways to seek some elusive something.......
Miss IC,
I have tried just about everything except moving out or throwing plates. I have done some yelling, lots of crying, addressing it quietly, doing some MC (not much), going to Marriage Encounter (left early - H closed off and went from twitchy to catatonic). We have talked about it in letters. Tried to negotiate. Now, I'm tired and I'm doing nothing.....
I don't threaten divorce because it would be an empty threat.
I will write more later - have to go. I have some thoughts though.
