I think the point might be that since W isn't in a place yet to recognize what she did to contribute to the demise of the R, that you have to put all your stuff on hold, in DB world. I know you're looking for her to see her part, and to see how you've changed.
The way I figure it is if she never comes around, never wants to give the R another chance (and "never" is something only you can define---could be by next week), then you're free to tell her all this stuff without worrying that it'll push her away. But in the meantime you button it and hope to entice her back with the new you.
By that point (never) it wouldn't make any difference anyway, as far as your R is concerned, though maybe her rational self would be able to absorb some of it, sometime.
It sounds to me like you're in a pretty good place, looking forward to the future and recognizing first that there is one, second that it's going to be great, and third that you'll certainly find a wonderful partner if you want one.
I know W ambushed you with her talk, but it would've been interesting to see how she'd responded (maybe not immediately) if you had only listened and not thrown your own stuff in.
You're right: she made a lot of mistakes. And frustratingly, as the WAW, she's not admitting to any of it, to you, at least. I hope for you that someday you'll hear that from her instead of me. I know that you're keeping the door open, and I think that's pretty much all you can do right now.
Have you had any more thoughts about revisiting that night when you lost it? I still think there's a lot there for you to explore for yourself, whether or not you get to with W.
