I can sympathize with you. My H is the person I love more than anyone on this earth. I love God first and then my H, then kids, etc. I can tell you though that the DBing starts to work but like everyone told me it takes patience. I have yet to receive the book but I have been on this board reading and posting, trying to learn as fast as I can. If you can afford it, a telephone C can help at least to get some live feedback from people who really know what they are doing fist of all, and then to coach you through this to help you stay focused.

My H loves me, says he loves me and cares for me. But he too is on the fence about coming home. H had an affair and when he didn't end it right after I found out, I followed the example of a friend of his that threw his W out and she came begging back. My H did not want to move out and called me to come over to the house when he did. I was angry and hoping he would learn his lesson, but it hasn't worked out like that and now I cry about what I did though he tells me it ws the right thing under the circumstances.

Have faith and patience. Get the DR/DB book and start setting some goals thats what C got me doing and what others on the board got me to get going to do.

If Jesus is you lord, pray and ask Him to pray for you and your W/marriage.

Eventhough H had the affair, and there were many undersirable ways of relating to me that caused me to withdraw from him, I have had to really face my own stinkieness and slog through the molassases of regret and recognition. Do this, look at yourself, ask those hard q's as I can see that by doing so, I have accepted a few things that H was upset about and because I am less defensive about them we are going to be able to communicate a lot better, which is something we had trouble doing, talking to eachother about sensitive subjects.

I work each minute it seems to detach, my heart hurts like heck, I cry and think that it is over and then I get back up, determined that I will give this the best shot possible and work to get our marriage back, my H back in the home and loving me and letting me love him.

SO think about C telephone, get DR book IMMEDIATELY and read the forums that have Michelle's 1 and 2nd chapters on line if you can't. The second chapter is posted on this forum now, I believe. Work on yourself. Really try.

God Bless your committment to keep your marrige together.
Inky