Well this may be long, up, down and all the way around.
W TX’ed me this afternoon saying she wanted to come by after work and we should go to dinner. So I show and she says we have to go somewhere first but she won’t tell me where or I’ll talk her out of it. You can only imagine what is running through my head, OM’s place, what…So we arrive at a tattoo parlor, she is talking about trying to tattoo over her old tat with a skin color because she can’t stand having it. She asks me to wait with S, we wait and wait. W returns with a nose piercing. Not my style, but she looks good with it, she asks me to look at it closely, next thing I know we are kissing. Closed mouth but more then a peck, then she suddenly pulls away.
Off to dinner, S is throwing a fit, when she says across the table, “How do you expect us to have passion in our relationship when we have a kid?” UH! Oh I’m sorry I gave you the child you want and now you hold it against me. So dinner goes by rather fast so we can get out of there.
I ask if we can stop by the book store I need to buy one. She says sure she needs to go to the grocery next to it. So we meet back up and she asks what I got, wanted something else, but they didn’t have it so I got Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. She starts saying how sweet it is that I’m taking an interest in her point of view and emotions, but not to expect anything. Everything comes with a hitch with her.
Well she spoke with a different attorney and has learned that she can just sit on the temporary order while she figures things out. Says she wants to wait, build a life without me, date and see what happens. So now I feel like the power shift has happened all I can do is push it from my end, which I don’t want. So I can sit and wait again.
We go back to her place, she is using the bathroom without closing the door then walking around in panties and bra. She is getting ready to go to her mothers for the night since she works early and her mom will be watching S. We have a smoke and she is saying that she wants to believe our M could work, but she is and was too lonely and just can’t. She is reading that book Oprah endorsed, Live Love Eat or something. Says she needs to find herself, sexually, emotionally, etc… I’m so sick of hearing it. So you want to tramp around town, keep me on a string and see if you can find greener pastures.
I walk them to the car, pack them up and off they go. Now the vent.
I’m so lost, I think I have learned nothing. She is becoming something I can’t even imagine. The worst part is the alien is really gone, but the depression is set in big. She found out today that her new insurance says it is a pre-existing condition and she has to wait 8 months for coverage. Told her I would help her out, and she won’t accept.
She says she has to rebuild relationships with some of her old friends. Friends she met after we separated, but the OM drove them off. She made fun of OM for a bit, says most people say he looks and acts like the kid on the partridge family. But the people she was hanging were way bad influences at first and she wants to go back to that. She doesn’t want to be a mother or be bothered with motherly things. That is apparent in her actions.
I don’t have any response to any of this, I don’t know what direction to head. It is amazing how clearly you can see it in some else’s sitch but your own. Too emotionally involved Iguess.
She did make sure that we were still on for tomorrow, she is coming over to watch videos. We did have a moment of flirting, when she said after getting the nose piercing, “I’m doing what men have always told me I can’t do, I’m doing things for me. Any man that tells me to do something I’m doing the opposite.” So I said, “Tomorrow when you come over, no matter what you do, don’t get naked and wild sex with me, that would be horrible.” She laughed, and said will see what happens. Ya right!
Oh at one point in the night she asked if I would stay at her house tonight. I’m like sure, who wouldn’t. “Good, because Angela and I want to go out clubbing.” I just looked at her cross and she said that is using huh. I said you just invited me to spend the night, how would you take that, then you say great I need a babysitter to go scope for men. FU! Left that off the end though.
I’m enabling a cake eater, that’s what I’m doing. What am I doing? I’m starting to think what everyone outside DB is telling me is right, I need to pick up and leave her a$$ behind. I love her so much, but can’t keep going round n’ round.
