DR Chapter 2 - Think Small

[marc_d]

I need help please! Ok, well this weekend I saw my GF from Thursday night all day Friday and Saturday and for like 2 hours on Sunday because We had concert tickets on Thursday and Friday we went into NYC to celebrate her birthday and stayed over her sisters apartment and we all hanged out in the city on Saturday. Anyways, I know some things bothered her for her birthday party and she wasnt too interested in partying that night in the first place but some people didnt socialize or didnt show at all and one time when she was talking to a man friend of hers, her sister went up and kind of bitched to her that she was being rude by showing too much attention to him. I know this really pissed her off. I tried to cheer her up a little. I must admit I was dissapointed because I wanted more attention from her but she did have to try to spend time with everyone. She even told me that she was mad at this guy because he came and just sat on the couch with his friend instead of dancing or anything and then they didnt saty long. she told me thats what she was talking about to him. I know she didnt have as good of a time as she hoped for. She has been really looking forward to celebrating her 25th birthday because she feels like turning 25 is such a major thing, and it didnt turn out like she wanted.

Anyways, In a way I did good this weekend by not questioning who she was talking or text messaging on the phone like I did in the past, or blowing up on her myself when she was talking to her guy friend at the club. I was pissed but I tried to keep cool. All I did was show her I was happy even though I was sad at times. She just seemed so down in the dumps over everything. I know she kept telling me she was tired and grumpy because she didnt have enough sleep most of the weekend and we were very busy doing different things. We werent supposed to hang out on Sunday but I went X-mas shopping and she called me to tell me that she was out shopping by herself because her sister bailed on her so I asked if she was coming to the mall if she would like to meet up so we did. We got some pizza and talked about her sisters and her problems with them. She has been saying how she doesnt like to think about the future latley or that she doesnt think positive anymore because her hopes keep getting knocked down. I asked her what keeps knocking her down and she said its just the things we were discussing. (which was about her family not giving her any privacy and intruding on her life)Im afraid she is getting into a depression. I asked her If I can help somehow to let me know because I hate to see her unhappy. She just shrugs it off and acts like there is nothing to do. I tried to keep my happy act up for her and joked around a little and things actually seemed a little lighter than when we first met up. I even made her laugh about the way she was acting because she seemed so angry, even at the items she was shopping for.

Well, Finally let me get to the point here. Seeing her so negative put a huge toll on me and scared the crap out of me. I want to help her but I dont know how. She mentioned that she should be seeing a therapist instead of me because she has these problems and i jumped at the chance to invite her to my counsler but I doubt she will take the offer. I mentioned it briefly but then she got a hpne call from her sister and I think we dropped it after that. Id like to bring it back up again but not act as though Im pressuring her but she needs help!

Part of me wants to go against what is taught here and have a discussion with her about our relationship and try to convince her how good everything was. Im not blind, I know she loved me and everything was great between us. She was border line obsessed with me. I just mean that for 7 years we acted like we just started dating. I feel like this 7 month break is making things worse and we are drifting farther apart. I say this because I backed off a lot 1 1/2 months ago and at first I got text messages, phone calls, and some emails but it seemed to dwindle towards the end. I know I had some backslides during the 7 months but I dont feel like they were soo horrible that they would have made things even worse. I guess I should take this weekend as one of the down times there will be but I cant convince myself that! I have known her for a very long time and I know how she is. When she wants to block something out, she does and can forget about it.

I know she used to have a best friend that screwed her over too many times so she just closed the door on her and never talked to her again, and I know Im not in that boat so I guess I should be greatful but Im not. I want more and I am losing all patience! Im tired of waiting! I want to talk to her and start working on things. I feel like there has to be another way, like there is something I should say that I didnt before. I feel like I need to come up with some words to sweep her off her feet and not make it seem selfish of me. Im so confused.

Im afraid that she is going to drift farther and farther away from me even though I know many of her problems are with her family but she is punishing me it feels like at times. I know I wasnt perfect in the beginning of the split by adding pressure or questioning her when she would be going out so much. but I have to do something!! she told me on Thursday before the concert that she thought i was moving on because of 2 events. The first time was at a club some girl started talking to me but I really didnt talk back much at all. I eventually moved away from her. The other time was a friend of her friend asked to hold my arm on Halloween in the city to stop guys from howling at her. I told her I wasnt moving on in that way at all. I cant lose her!!! I am so freaking scared that she is going to just ignore all of this because she is like a closed door when it comes to her emotions. Please help me!!! What should I do?!?! I have to talk to her. I have to convince her. I just need to find the words.