I know you're scared, sweetheart. You're in a very scary situation. You might try something like picking a five minute period every day when you're alone... in the shower, or walking the dogs, or driving somewhere, where you really indulge the scary feelings, and then put them on the shelf as best you can until the next day. Maybe a weekly massage where you sob your guts out during the session, and then go back to life as normal.
Do y'all have any religious faith to fall back on? I'm not talking about a fatalistic "God's will is for me to suffer" kind of thing, but more of a "I'm always in God's loving hands even when it doesn't feel like it."
You're right that the cocky attitude is IC's way of dealing with it. It works for him. That sort of thing does not work for me either... each of you has to face this in his/her own way. Find something that works for you.
You can't totally ignore the fear, but you can keep it from occupying center stage in your life. (At least I think that's possible.)
