Followup to "why long-term marriage is better"...

An adjunct to this paragraph, which I wrote above:

I think that having a longstanding positive history, of potentially half your life, with one person, cannot be matched by a relationship with anyone else.


There is also another thing that cannot be matched easy by another new relationship: a history of overcoming adversity together. Ironically, successfully overcoming huge horrible marital obstacles.. such as an affair, or various other problems people write about here... seems like it can end up bringing people CLOSER together, than otherwise.

On another site, I've read more histories of people who have "made it through the other side"... and a majority of people generally write something along the lines of, "it was horrible, in many ways, i wish it never happened... but in some ways, i'm glad, because it has strengthened our marriage and brought us closer than I would have ever imagined we could be".

I think that, at least for the person who is forgiven... if you know someone has dealt with the worst you can throw at them... and they can still forgive you and love you... then you know that you will probably never find another person who will love you that deeply in your life again.

Some people realize that, and treasure that eventually, seems like, from the long-term recovery stories.
Other people, apparently, could care less, and just throw the other person away.
Too bad for them. They lose. Because it is comparatively easy for the LBS to find someone who will treat them better than the betrayer. But it's going to be reaaaaally difficult for the betrayer to find another person with that amount of love (real, unselfish, non-romantic-chemical-driven love) for them again.

I think it's almost impossible to find someone at 40, who will love you at 50, as much as someone who has known you since you were 20 or younger. Sure, it's possible to have a good relationship. Even a great one. Just... not "as great" as someone who has loved you "since your youth".




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(wonder if anyone will actually read all that? heh...)


Last edited by Dom R; 12/15/07 12:22 AM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D.
Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M.
3 wonderful sons caught in the middle