LFL, the reason I asked about your H's departure was because I think everyone is focusing on your lack of desire for him and ignoring the huge impact that his leaving had on you. I mean, he SECRETLY rented an apartment! Then he says the only solution he could think of was to LEAVE! And he did! Why is no one giving this enormous event the weight is deserves in trying to sort out LFL's state of mind?
LFL, if you don't mind, would you go into a little bit more detail about those days? You found out because you saw a withdrawal from your joint bank account. Did he say when he was planning to tell you about it? Did he just pack a bag and leave?
If you try to analyze in yourself WHY you cannot seem to forgive him... what do you come up with? I'm convinced that your inability to forgive is NOT because of some character flaw of yours, but because there is something real that has not been resolved in spite of all his apologizing, etc. What is it that is still sticking in your craw? I have a feeling it's more than just sex. (I hate it when people say "just sex.")
That's why I said that his recent statement about y'all being platonic seemed to be a cover for rage. I get the idea he's baiting you in some way, provoking you. There's something bubbling under the surface, but I can't put my finger on it.
