You were all right...unfortunately...

[saffie]

Realjourney,

Your sitch sounds similar to mine. I had already started on the self improvement journey as I knew we had problems in my M and it was seeing this that made my H tell me about the A and want to end the A

Saffie

[RealJourney]

That is similat, except in my case early on I did suspect something, but my H denied it and I let it go.

[bombardier50]

You people are awesome. I should have you all over for dinner. You guys have all made me feel a little better today. Yep, I dropped the bomb on her (I was a damn good bombardier in real life), and now she's got a sh__load of things to think about. I'm gonna go dark for a while, work on taking care of myself, and just let her stew. One way or the other, she's going to have to decide for herself, and either way, I'll be alright.

You know, I keep telling myself that, and it's yet to make me feel better. Maybe someday...

Okay, screw all of this. I'm going to go work out. Talk to you guys in a little bit...

[Miss IC]

Bomber,

Well I see that you have already met my husband and his little weather forecast with Saffie

I don't have much to add other than what has already been said on here. I just want to add some encouragement to you. You sound like a really nice guy that really loves his wife. I hope she'll realize the hurt that this has and is causing.

Stick to it Bomber and continue to work on yourself...how did that work out go?

- Miss IC

[bombardier50]

Miss IC,
The workout helped clear my head a little. Thanks for your kind words of encouragement. She's going to get lots of quiet time over the next few days. Maybe her little inner voice will become a bit louder.

She is the love of my life. I new it the day I met her. I never imagined myself with anyone else. So you can imagine how much this tears me up.

Question for the Ladies: From the day I met her, the wife unit has been, and probably always will be, extremely flirtatious (except, of course, with me right now). She just loves to flirt. Frankly, I think this is part of the problem. So what's going on here? Does she enjoy seeing the reaction? Is it a power thing?

[Heywyre]

Bomber - I don't know if its a power thing with your wife or not but I have the same problem with my H but, in his case, it is just the way he is. He truly doesn't even know he is doing it sometimes, he just comes across that way to people, ALL people. He does it when I am standing there so I know it isn't something he does purposely. It's his nature to be very interested in people and a lot of them (particularly women) take it as him flirting

[Miss IC]

Bomber,

I'm with Heywire...not so much me - but IC, lets see...since I've been on here it's been Journey, Karen, Red, Corri, Mojo, Saffie, Fearless, Kett, Southern Girl..... and the list goes on and on...Wow! I really should beat his azz! No Bomber, I guess it just really depends on the situation as to how much you read into it.

This isn't by chance your wife's defense on this matter is it? Or are you trying to reason through this yourself?

[RealJourney]

Bomber, About the flirtation thing, my H is also like that, he gets a perk out of interacting ( superficially) with others. It can be with men, but it's much more,well, flirty, with women. I always felt it had the potential to cross the line. It always bothered me. He's much more aware of boundaries now...I mean, we have had the boundary talk to death...oh you have to hear this one, the OW lived on Boundary Avenue, I kid you not, but even with all this, he still is who he is. I just hope he and I have both learned something here...me not to shut down when something is bothering me, and him to be a little more sensitive to me.

I have to say, I am pretty much clueless about the flirting stuff, but I just had my own example of it, and it is powerful stuff...I can see how anyone can fall into this.

[bombardier50]

IC,
I guess I'm trying to reason through this myself. My frame of mind today is that at some point she just became fed up with me and now she needs some space to decide. I really think I'm dealing with a walk-a-way wife here. I think the EA and the naked pics were just her testing the waters to see if she has a chance in the single world as a 50 year old grandmother. She wants to explore her options and see how they feel. Although everyone tells me I'm a nice guy, I haven't always been there when she needed me (and the guilt is pretty bad), and money has always been a huge source of tension for us (me:saver, she:spender). I think it got to the point where she just had enough. I've changed a lot, but I think she's waiting to see if the change is going to last. Meanwhile, she's gonna do a little exploration.

So I'm going "dark" for awhile. Totally back off. Let her find herself. I'm going to focus on myself and talk to you guys to help me through. And keep telling myself, no matter what she chooses to do, I'll be ok.

[**zuzu**]

Bombardier,

I just wanted to say I think it sounds like you are doing a lot of things right and I am thinking of you! I echo most of what has been said here. Just reread it when you are doubting yourself, ok?

As for the flirting, I think I used to have a lot of that in me, but it caused SUCH friction with my husband that I've killed that part of me some. Also, we're less in that environment, bars, etc. But when I was in college, it was just how I was. It felt fun and it was ALL about validation. Kind of like the way you feel inside when someone tells you that you look nice (and you can tell they really mean it) or when they laugh hard at something funny you said and you can tell in their head they're saying, "dam#, she's hilarious!" I used to hang on people and be very touchy feely and it was just because it felt good and felt fun.

HD, I get the joke and I'm 35. Although I will admit I've never really watched the show, just seen clips. Oh, and I used to go to KU, although I don't follow sports whatsoever, ROCK CHALK JAYHAWK!!
DIY, that sounds like a really interesting class.

Keep up the good work, Bombardier! Go do something that makes you feel good!