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Ann, thanks for the bump and taking the trouble to read my thread and ask these questions. I'm begining to feel a lot more comfortable here tho' the outlook seems very bleak.

No family within 1,500 miles. I've used an elderly couple friend and a sitter occasionally but only when absolutely necessary. I'm going to have to get more creative on this and maybe work something out with other single parents or something like that to keep costs down. As for the gym, I've not had time to go even once for the last 2-3 month.

Her reasons: unhappy every day of the 15 years; she gives every reason under the sun mostly baseless labels that attack me - she could not fight "fair". I now think she may have been depressed a lot since S7 but never really sought help - I misread this as laziness/disrespect/carelessness/anger. But overall she felt trapped, controlled, criticised and says she wasted 15 years of her life, etc, etc. Some of this I may be able to do something about by changing myself or how I interact with her which I'm more than willing to do and I know it is possible because I'm far from perfect. But a lot of it probably originates within her - in this respect its the classic WAW - she has to be committed and want to be helped. My being out of work for an extended period and S7 doing badly at school also contributed to it - but at least these things pass.

The BIG mistake I made was reacting or getting annoyed with her behavior and hoping things would improve with time. I did convince her to come to MC some years ago but she walked out of the counseling after several sessions and got angry with the counselor. That's about when she started threatening D quite frequently for silly things - each time it felt like a knife thru' me. But I was too afraid to try MC again unless she wanted to.

OM helped her with a flat tire in the church, she started meeting him for lunch, or at the church, talking on the phone, they flirted and he gave her a sympathetic ear and she ended up asking for help getting a divorce because she found out he had some legal background and seems so "kind". She apparently went around complaining about me to all and sundry till she happened upon OM - I came to know of all this about 2 years too late after she filed the D - till then she kept it secret. But I found out more about OM from the pastors who see him in general as a wierdo and a trouble maker. Strange that in almost all of the WAW cases there's an OM involved. Meanwhile for 1-2 years prior to filing the D she started working almost full time where from what she's been saying I'm supposing she interacted with some casual "enablers". There also happen to be a lot of divorced Mom's at the kids school and she had plenty of time to get their "advice" on divorce.

Sorry its so long ...