Love, PAIN and the Whole Crazy Thing

[mcol]

Ok...here we go kids. Get your popcorn, a soda and go to the bathroom because the proverbial sh$$ hit the fan today.

Just a quick recap,

KABOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!
I wanted to share a couple all too familiar phrases from my W letter to me today...sound familiar?
--I seem to pull farther and farther away every day
--A marriage needs two people to work on it and ours just doesn't have that
--Even seeing you did not move me or cause me to feel excitement or joy
--ILYBNILWY--need to add this to my profile
--This whole fiasco is my fault
--I have to regain some peace and clarity in my life; although legally separating from you will not bring that, it will help me feel more organized about this process and our marriage

Upon arriving to work this morning after I had told W that did not want to backdate our separation to the day after I deployed she sent me some pretty shocking and hurtful words...more for the course as she is just trying to push as hard against me as she can to get me out of her life to make room for the manwhore (i will explain). She said that she was pretty much flexible on everything with the exception of the effective date of separation. She went on to say that the months since I went on my "fairytale" deployment have been hellacious for her to deal with and me not being there showed her that she could not count of me when she needed me most.

I wrote her a note back basically saying that I thought the way she was conducting herself and the people she was associating with were a detriment and the cause for her pushing her entire family away and I felt as though I needed to protect my interests. After that, I transferred money out of my joint account (my pay) to another account, and have proceeded to spend the last several hours trying to plan the care for my kids and my affairs. I cancelled her power of attorney and issued a new POA specific to the kids only.

I have contacted a lawyer whose advice was not to do anything unless her lawyer contacts me. If that happens then he told me to call him and he would write a letter basically telling them that I would not be doing anything in regards to this case until I return from my deployment. So if they try to stick it to me then not only will she not get the date in september, she will have to wait until March or April before the 12 month clock starts.

She of course is very irate and once she received the cancellation of power of attorney (I also issued the same SPOA to the MIL) W went to her house, gave her $500 cash and said "I guess that he just gave you custody of the kids" Bless the MIL heart she was beside herself and is not in the mindset to deal with all of the stress plus handle this blowout.

I have prepped my parents that if W cannot handle the kids nor can her mom and if I cannot come home then I will need them to step in and take care of them until such a time as when I can be there.

I contacted an investigator as I feel as though W will flee into the arms of the OM for comfort and support and possibly seal the PA that I have suspected. We have about 2 wks until anniversary of dad's death and I believe that most of the immediate lashing out will happen in the next couple of weeks. The more long term resolution will occur over several months. Not sure, nor do I care right now which way our R goes but I am not giving up on her no matter how pissed she is with what I have done.

W is supposed to either meet or drop S,D,S off with my family after Christmas but am curious to know if she will not let this happen now that we are at odds.

W reiterated the ILYBNILWY part of her thang.

Mentally, I am exhausted. Jet lag + W on the brink of doing something really stupid, plus trying to get my affairs in order for the long haul takes its toll.

The bad news is that I believe I will have to sacrifice some retirement planning (only for a few months) in order to ensure I have the capital to get established.

My prayer has been and will always remain that W and I work out our situation. Those of you who have gone through it know about the not wanting to eat and depression and all that stuff. Sadly, the military will not flex much to get me home. We have already had to send one person back for a situation that is much worse than my own and another soldier just got notified he will have to go home and take another job due to some other guy not being able to control his hormones. This puts my boss in a tough spot but I trust he will do what he thinks is best in this situation.

Peaks and valleys everyone. The constant declaration of I should not have to be doing this is playing ping pong in my head. Thank you to all who have replied to my sitch. Stay tuned as the hits will begin to roll pretty heavily.

One interesting note. W attorney closes his offices on Friday so she was not able to get in touch with him. Snicker, Snicker.

More later...I am exhausted. Would love to hear feedback