LRT UNDER SAME ROOF II

[craig54]

cog, the Lord works in mysterious ways. my salvation is assured, but my sins of failing to walk the walk has untimately damaged my marriage, my w deserves a fully committed God fearing man, who leads . this whole situation has brought me to my knees asking God for forgiveness. my lack of faith has hurt my entire family, i have been a weak man. pray for me cog, i have to be torn down before i can be rebuilt. cog, thank you brother.

[COG]

Craig,

Like many of us, you weren't taught the proper care and handling of a W and a M. Probably very disfunctional in many of your R's. Trust me you are not alone, you are very normally disfunctional like many of us are.

But it's okay! You have the rest of your life to live and to learn. There are warehouses full of good books, tapes, websites, programs etc. to help YOU learn a more effective way of relating, communicating, and loving your fellow human beings and it starts with the ones closest to you. The first step is always the hardest. Letting go the pride, the ego, the denial is a BIG step.

You've got a long road ahead of you but you will look back with gratitude at your accomplishments. You'll see how your W has actually helped you become a better person, the man you should have been all along. My guess is in the end, you'll be grateful for the struggle.

God Bless,

COG

PS Here's another program that helped me immensely early on. http://www.divorcecare.com A 12 week support group program for separated and D. Helped me avoid the pitfalls of separation and look at things more logically instead of emotionally.

[craig54]

cog, i checked out website for divorce care. there is a group locally. i will check into it. this sounds odd, but i do not regret going through this, sure it hurts.the pain is part of the process. i appreciate your help and support. i hope i can pass on the help to someone else who is in need. not to blame my parents, but i did not have a very good example of how a marriage is suppose to look like. but i take complete responsibility for my actions and inactions. but your right each day is a new day to live and learn. no more excuses. just action through love.

[COG]

Craig,

not to blame my parents, but i did not have a very good example of how a marriage is suppose to look like.

That's a big first step to admit that, AND admit that you don't have the skills you need to take part in a healthy M. If you can truly see that, admit that, accept that, then you will have a better understanding as to why your W wants out. You'll also have a heart that is open to change.

You are not alone. My father was a good hard working man, but he's an alchoholic. He yelled and criticized us kids and my mother so much that I thought it was just normal. So that's how I learned to deal with life. Well it just doesn't have to be so, and thank God I finally saw the light.

I think one of the things that my W is so proud of me for is that I broke the cycle. I still loose it with the kids sometimes and I'm still working on that, but my W knows she's my best friend, and biggest supporter. My days of judging her, criticizing her, thinking of her as less intellegent and less capable than me are OVER! I can now realize that it's mostly the other way around.

The miracle of the whole transition is that I am the one that is most blessed. I don't have to expend the energy and the stress in judging, criticing, and being angry with her. I just accept her and love her as she is, an imperfect human being, just like me.

Plus, women speak a different language than men do. It's not better or worse, just different. Their minds and feelings work differently also. "Men are from Mars Women from Venus" is a good book. Learn to speak their language.

God Bless,

COG