H said our M is "platonic"

[MJontheMend]

I agree with SG. Here's my further thought. If you believe that the essential problem with your marriage is that you are hurt because your H didn't "protect and cherish" you then it is even more important for you to become "strong bunny". It seems clear that there is also a sexual problem in your marriage which is probably due to the fact that your H doesn't understand or empathize with feminine/submissive sexuality and therefore has counter-productive reactions to your monkey.

Maybe you can't "be" strong bunny right now but you can "act" strong bunny. Here's how. Think about one of your kids and imagine that child is giving off the vibe "I am loved and cherished." Can you get a sense of how being around a child giving off that vibe would make you feel like you were a good parent? That is why giving off "strong bunny" vibes around a man will make him feel more Alpha/St. Bernard. Children frequently give off the opposite of "I am loved and cherished" vibes. They cry and sulk and communicate "Nooooooobody loves me. Noooooobody loves me." Obviously, they do this in order to evince the kind of behavior that will make them feel more loved and cherished. Babies are cute and lovable and we feel compelled to give them care to the extent that we believe we won't spoil them when they are weak. When adults we love act like weak children our desire to provide care can become a dysfunctional desire to "rescue" or we can be repulsed because we are attracted to strength in other adults or we may become angry because we don't want to be the adult and the one who has to do the "work" or we may become overwhelmed because we don't feel capable of being the adult etc. etc.

So, if you want to "be" more loved and cherished, you need to "act" more loved and cherished in order to make the job easier for your H at first. Your problem isn't the same as the problem I had in my marriage. My 2bx was more mean monkey/ dysfunctional top than your H but you guys really seem to be stuck in that bunny/puppy basket together. If you can just get him functioning more St. Bernard relative to you then it will be much easier for you to play him healthy monkey. This is roughly analogous to how a child who generally feels well-cared for and cherished will feel free to engage in a little creative anarchy or spirited rough-housing. A neglected child will sometimes be naughty in order to get attention but a child who generally feels safe and secure will be naughty simply because there is always a fine line between naughty and fun.


NOTE: Extensive research done with myself as guinea pig has proven that men will act sexually towards you if you just sit around being "strong bunny" and don't act monkey at all but it takes longer and is kind of boring*ss, IMO. I am personally in search of a man who can handle at least a 40% strong bunny to 60% healthy monkey mix on a regular basis as in I am sitting in the passenger seat and I do have my seatbelt on and I look very pretty in my new dress but we better be on our way to the circus 'cause I'm bouncing in my seat a little bit and my new red shoes are making my feet wiggle.