DR Chapter 2 - Think Small

[mockers2]

JJ,
Thank you for your comments, and for this thread. It really helps to review and think concretely about the principles. Also, hearing others' ideas often makes a lightbulb go on in my head, just like someone said it would. I am very thankful to have found DR and this board.
Now for a baby step from this AM: H and I met at school to drop off the children. (H worked last night and was running late, so not enough time to come by the house.) After getting the children settled, we said our usual "have a good day" and headed off. I was feeling very low (alot of anger from the day before, and some sadness creeping in), and started to cry when I got into my car. I pulled out my phone to call a friend who is supportive, and before I could dial, it rang. H was calling "to see how last night went." (The kids and I go to that same friend's house every Wed. night if H isn't working - part of keeping myself busy.) We talked about our evenings, and laughed. I guess we talked for almost ten minutes! God knew I really needed a boost!
Things I have been doing that may be making these baby steps possible:
1. acting upbeat
2. trying to be his friend w/no pressure (tough to keep from getting my hopes up - I hide this from him, just not from myself. Not yet fully detatching?)
3. being a good listener - no interrupting, no finishing his sentences, validating his opinions and feelings without giving my own; listening without thinking of what I'll say next
4. trying to appear (and then to really be) serene, calm, confident
5. discussing things calmly without showing the anger (rage, fury sometimes I feel inside (able to do this when H told me about OP - God literally holding me up)

Some things I have stopped doing (they weren't working):
1. pursuing
2. personalizing his behavior
3. trying to convince H that we really have a great marriage compared to others, that we should try to work on things, go to Retrovaille, etc.
4. saying ILY, unless he says it first

These are a few things I've been up to. Any input is greatly appreciated. Thanks again to everyone who is here sharing a tough time. M