Still Tryin's 2nd piecing

[S.T. _I Made It!]

ok. I just realized yesterday that my back must be doing pretty good. cause I haven't been using my heatpad all night and with all the painting I'm still doing pretty good! Just gotta get motivated to work out dangit. It's so tough when it's so cold!!!

Soooo, been obsessively cleaning lately. H was hangin around me more last night. and he asked what time I went to bed the last two nights. was on the comp a little bit, but it was mostly cleaning till 1am and even 3 am the night before. I think he was wanting my attention. so I ended up going to bed 11 this time. also decided we should do something tonight.. so having the kids go to playtime plus. (paid for 30 hours a month ago, it was 90 bucks. but figured we needed it even though we don't really have the $, but need it for our sanity!).

So we're gonna do some more shopping and hopefully something else.

One thing I pray for is that we can have better convos. I really feel like we have nothing to talk about. I'm getting that feeling...how in the world did we get together?

I think I need to discover myself again. I think I'm getting into that losing my identity again. gosh, it is so easy to do that being a mother/wife. I forget what in the world makes me happy, what I laugh about, what is fun to me. Sometimes I think, maybe I'm just really dull and can't start any cool convos. maybe my H is boring. actually, I do feel like my H is boring sometimes.. but maybe it's just a reaction. or lack of reaction.

I know I'm totally rambling. I think part of it is the irritability of the kids that stresses us out, and I've totally lost my carefree/crazy/weird personality that I had when I met H. it's like I got old or something. I mean really, I used to be really strange. my whole family is in their own way... my mom acts like she's 5, literally, my aunts don't care what ANYONE thinks of them no matter who retarded they act.

I meant to have a good post. whoops,. '

I know I need to GAL again. it's just actually starting it is the problem. guess I need to figure out what to start first!

my goal tonight is to be weird again.