I waited for so long for some baby steps from my H. After months of waiting, he called. He came over. Things went quite well. I got excited and thought maybe we were moving in the right direction.
Then for approximately a month, I did not see or hear from him. Lo and behold, he called again and wanted to come over. For six weeks, he called once a week and came by once a week for a couple of hours. I thought everything was going well, even though I knew he was still with the OW. For the first time, I had hope.
Not so. The first flurry was to get me to give him the title to the boat so that the bank would give him a loan for repairs to the motor. This turned out to be a big fat lie. He wanted it so he could trade the boat in on another boat. Now instead of the big nice boat we had, which was paid for, he now has a new, smaller boat which is not feasible for any rough conditions on the lake or in the bay.
The next flurry was to soften me up to ask for money. Don't ask me what he planned to do with the money because I don't know. All I do know that it wasn't to be applied to bills to get out of debt as he claimed. You see, I do know he is fiscally irresponsible. I just don't know what the OW wanted - this time.
Baby steps. I don't think so. Conniving and manipulative steps, I know so. It is my belief that my H is one of those that Michelle talked about when she said their minds are already made up when they walk out and they have no intention of ever returning. He has never deviated from his statement that he doesn't want to be married and that this marriage is dead and it is over. Nothing I do or say makes a difference. Oh yes, he notices my changes and he likes them. He knows they are permanent after 17 months of separation and observation. However, my changes are not sufficient to bring him home. At this point in time, he won't even be seen with me in public.
All my "baby steps" turned out to be were more emotional and sexual battering rams at an already battered, almost dead, LBS. I know this sounds bitter. I don't mean for it to be that way. It is simply the truth.
My suggestion to everyone would be to look closely, not only for the baby steps, but to look for a pattern in those steps to make sure what is seen is a true baby step and not a spouse taking more advantage of an already bad situation.
